Standing Steady in the Storms Ch. 17

This chapter...yeah. I had a good time writing it....sort of. There is a nightmare sequence in this, however it is just that and nothing that happens in it actually happens in real life. It's kind of intense, but considering that it isn't real, I'd say it's no more intense than Chapter 4 (the one where the storm came up and wrecked everything).

The Question

Janner felt gusts of wind whipping his hair in every direction. It fell into his eyes constantly, soaking wet and impossible to see through. He felt the ground shift underneath him and lost his balance, slamming into it hard. Janner expected to feel sand or earth beneath his hands, but he felt neither. He furrowed his brow in confusion as he pushed himself up halfway before the ground rocked again, sending him rolling. The jolt threw him against something hard, but not hard like rock. Hard like wood.

What is going on? Janner asked himself as he held onto the top of the wood-wall and raised to his full, albeit unsteady, height. He continued clinging to it with his right hand as he pushed his hair back out of his eyes and stared in surprise at the sight before him.

He was on a ship. A ship that he almost felt as though he recognized, a small ship that looked a lot like the one he and Kal used for pleasure cruises. It was a ship that was rocked violently by a storm. 

Janner had never seen such a storm in all his life — yet at the same time, he almost felt as though he had. The wind howled and the waves crashed and the lightning snapped and the thunder screamed a wild scream that sent shivers down his spine. 

A terrific BOOM!!! shook the air and sent such a shock through him that he felt his breath sucked out of his chest. He gasped and shook his head, trying to stop the ringing in his ears. 

Just barely over the sound of the bells, Janner thought he heard another scream. It was the same scream he had thought was thunder, but with a surge of panic, he realized it wasn’t thunder at all. 

It was Sara. 

“Sara, I’m coming!” Janner yelled over the roar of the wind and waves and thunder. He doubted she could hear him, but he said it anyway, trying to pinpoint where her voice was coming from. 

He finally rushed forward to the other side of the deck, catching himself on the railing as if it were the only thing keeping him upright. Janner leaned over and looked, but he saw nothing. Sara wasn’t there. He looked again, confused. He had heard her screams coming from here, hadn’t he? Why wasn’t she there now?

“Janner!” He heard this time, not just a wordless shriek but a wailing call for him to save her. 

“Sara, sweetheart, I’m going to find you!” He called, running to the port side of the ship, where he had just come from. Once again, he looked over the rail, and once again he saw nothing. 

“Sara!” He yelled. “Sara, where are you? I don’t know where to look!” Janner stood there, desperate for an answer. Where was his wife? Why couldn’t he find her?

Then he heard her scream again: “Janner! I’m here! Please, help me!”

He looked around wildly and raced along the rail of the ship, looking far out over the side to see where Sara was. Her voice seemed as though it came from everywhere and nowhere at the same time. 

“Janner,” she said, her voice as soft as a whisper. “Janner, my love, please, come back to me.”

Janner spun around. The voice seemed as though it had spoken directly into his ear. She wasn’t there, though. “Sara,” he felt his voice breaking. “Sara, I can’t find you. I have to know where you are!”

There was no response. The only thing that filled Janner’s ears was the sound of the screeching storm that seemed to have a mind of its own. 

“I’m here!”

The voice came from above him. Janner looked up from where he stood on deck. He craned his neck further and further, looking up and up and up until he saw her. Janner felt his heart stop.  Sara was clinging to the rigging with one hand, her feet kicking but finding no purchase on the ropes that held the sail up or on the mainsail itself. He could see every detail of her hair and face, every fleck of silver in her perfect eyes, every shining tear that rolled down her face, every line of terror that creased her forehead, and—

“No,” Janner whispered, sprinting towards the ratlines. He heaved himself onto the ropes and climbed as fast as he could, higher and higher and higher. He didn’t feel the usual burning in his legs and arms, but he felt the pain in his chest and heard the raggedness in his breathing. Janner heard something else, too. Something other than the wind, the waves, the thunder, the rain, or even Sara’s desperate pleas for help. He heard something that wrenched his heart out of his body in a way he never thought possible.

He heard a baby’s cry. Janner saw a sweet little thing, just a few hours old, still wrinkled and red from the nine months he had taken to grow. His eyes, blue, like Sara’s, were wild and terrified. His hair was dirty blonde, but only because of the rain. His little feet kicked furiously and his arms flailed. Every crystal tear that dripped from the bridge of his nose shone like a diamond all the way down to where it splashed on the deck or where it was swept away by the merciless wind.

“No,” Janner breathed as he climbed the ratlines, keeping his eye on Sara and their son, shouting words of reassurance that were snatched away by the gale. Sara looked at him, but he knew she could only see his lips moving. 

“Janner, I can’t hold on much longer!” Sara shrieked, and Janner saw her fingers clutching the rigging desperately.

“Try, please! I’m coming for you,” He told her, begging.  Janner pushed himself up the ratlines faster and faster, not feeling the pound of the wind or the rocking of the ship. 

Finally, after he had climbed much farther than he should have had to reach her, Janner found himself parallel to his wife and son, panting and reaching out his hand to grab them. 

Sara looked at him and met his eyes, love pouring from them. “Janner, I-I don’t know how to reach for you without falling or dropping our daughter.”

“He’s a boy, though. You wanted a boy,” Janner said, briefly removed from the tenseness and vitality of every moment, forgetting that Sara could slip and fall.

Sara laughed softly and shook her head, her curls bouncing on her back. “No, Janner,” her eyes twinkled, and Janner saw themselves on the beach in Anniera, looking up at the stars on a summer evening. “You wanted a daughter. We had a baby girl.”

Janner shook his head, baffled by the situation. It turned out to be a mistake. The image of them together under the Annieran night sky disappeared, and he found himself on the storm-tossed ship again, holding tightly to the ratlines and watching as Sara clung to the rigging because her life depended on it. She turned her gaze on him again, and it was filled with fear.

Janner stared at her, trying to figure out how to save her and their son — no, daughter. The little one looked at him again, where she was held securely in the crook of Sara’s left arm and smiled, her green eyes flashing in wonder. She held out her tiny arms to him, cooing and gurgling sweetly. 

His mind raced with fear even as it was comforted by the sight of those emerald green eyes that had never known pain or loss. They didn’t even seem to know terror, and Janner was not about to taint his daughter’s life. 

“I have an idea!” He shouted as he climbed a few feet down. Now Sara and the baby were above him. It was hard to see her face, but Janner still saw his little girl’s eyes, fixated on him, trusting him. 

“Janner, what are you doing?” Sara asked him, her voice trembling. 

Janner swallowed a lump in his throat and prayed he wouldn’t sound as scared as he felt. “I’ll catch you. I promise, Sara, I will catch you. I will catch you and our little girl. But I need you to let go.”

He could see Sara’s face as she fought the turmoil inside of her, as she struggled to decide whether or not she believed he could catch her. Janner could read her heart, and saw that she knew he would try with all his might to hold them steady. What she didn’t believe was that he could catch them. She thought he desperately wanted to with all his heart and mind, but she didn’t know if he could. 

“Alright,” she said finally through her tears. “Please, catch us.”

“Okay,” Janner said, his voice trembling. He leaned off the ratlines, his right arm and foot holding tight to them, his left swinging out to catch his wife and daughter. “On three. One...two...three!”

Sara let go. Janner saw her falling for a brief moment before he felt himself being dragged down, almost off the ratlines, by her weight in his arms. He gritted his teeth and pulled her, sobbing, into his embrace. 

Janner struggled down the ratlines that seemed much shorter than they had been before. As soon as they were on deck, Sara collapsed, weeping. Janner wrapped his arms around her and cradled her, laying her head on his shoulder. 

“I thought I’d lost you,” Sara whispered. 

Janner faltered a little bit. “Wait, what do you mean?” 

Sara looked at him, confusion in her eyes instead of fear. She opened her mouth to speak but promptly shut it again, looking for something. “Janner, where’s our son?” She shrieked, standing up. 

Janner stared at her. She had been holding the baby, their baby girl. How had their son disappeared? Then he heard the shrill little wail of a newborn. 

A newborn out at sea. Janner gasped and kicked off his boots and ripped off his jacket before plunging into the waves. He swam forward, towards his son’s cry of distress, toward his bright blue eyes, knowing that he would never forgive himself if something happened to him. 

He saw him bobbing in the water, just a little ahead. Janner swam to him, but then he was farther away. He swam again and again, until he finally reached him. 

“Don’t worry,” Janner spoke to the baby softly as he reached for him, treading water even as he felt a wave ready to sweep him into who knew where. “I have you, little one.”

He looked at his face and stared at it. There was no face! There was no baby! He was holding bedclothes, white bedclothes that were somehow dry, even in the sea. Janner’s heart thumped wildly. Where had their son gone?

Something creaked nearby, and Janner looked up, only to see the ship towering above him. Sara was there, standing at the rail. Janner felt as though his heart was in his throat, and he didn’t know how to tell her that the baby was gone, that he had disappeared in the sea. 

But when he looked at her more closely, she was holding their baby again. “Janner,” Sara spoke softly in his ear. He looked at her face. He was on deck again, sitting beside her, shivering with cold and fear. “Janner, I have our daughter. She’s safe.” Janner glanced down and saw the perfect green eyes blinking at him. 

Janner nodded, closing his eyes. Sara was safe. Their baby was safe. They were alright. The storm still rocked the ship, but they were safe. 

Then a loud voice shouted above the roar of the wind and rain: “Janner, watch out!”

He turned and saw a wave that was just about to ram right into the ship. Janner had no time to scream, barely enough time to see Sara’s wild look of fear and their son’s blue eyes set in a gaze of terror, before the wave hit and sent him over the deck. 

He found himself drenched in seawater again and managed to get to the surface, looking for Sara and their son. He saw them bobbing in the sea a distance away. He looked for the ship, but it was gone. It was nowhere in sight. “Sara!” He yelled at the top of his lungs, choking on a mouthful of water. “Sara!” He screamed again, forcing himself to swim toward her. 

But she was gone. She wasn’t there anymore. She had disappeared. All that was left were the little white bedclothes that were as dry as if they had been laid out in the sun on a summer afternoon. Nothing more floated in the water. 

“Sara!” Janner screamed. 

*****

“Janner, wake up! Please, please wake up! You’re scaring me!”

Janner’s eyes shot open and he sat up wildly, panting his terror. He felt the sand underneath him go flying. “Where is she?” He asked, still seeing the sea without Sara and without the baby. “Kal, where did she go? She was just there and she was holding the baby a-and then she disappeared!” Janner yelled, tears streaming down his face that was twisted in terror. “Kal, I have to know where she is,” he choked.

Kalmar stared at him, his blue eyes wide in fear and worry. “What are you talking about?”

“Sara. She was there, she was with me, and then she was gone. I-I almost saved her and then she disappeared!” Janner’s voice trembled. 

“Janner,” Kal said softly, putting his hands on his brother’s shoulders. “You were dreaming. It was a dream. None of that really happened. You’re alright. Trust me.”

Janner closed his eyes and hung his head, nodding. He breathed in and out slowly. It was a dream. It was a dream, he told himself over and over and over again, until a question popped into his mind: Why did it feel so real? Sara was so real. Why was she so real?

Janner raised his head and looked his brother in the eye. “Kal,” he said, a tremor in his voice. 

Kalmar held his gaze steadily. “Yeah?”

“Kal, was Sara on the ship with us?"

*****

Far away in Anniera, after hours of labor and pain and fear and Sara begging for Janner to help her and be there for her, the wailing cries of two newborns echoed throughout Castle Rysen.

Notes: So if the dream sequence was confusing, it was meant to be confusing. Dreams/nightmares often are. The "switching" children that changed appearance may have been strange, but it was meant to show that they do end up having twins^^

And on a less happy note...Kalmar has now been asked "the question." Considering Janner's emotional state after that nightmare...I'm thinking it's not going to blow over too well.