Nia: Today, Kalmar took my phone, and in five minutes, he sent high resolution close-up photos of Janner to the following people: Leeli, Artham, Sara, the neighbors, the bank, my accountant, San Diego Blood Bank, and Shake Shack's text bot.
Nia: The floor is lava!
Janner: *helps Leeli onto the counter*
Sara: *kicks Kalmar off the sofa*
Artham: *lays on the floor*
Nia: ...Are you okay?
Artham: No.
Leeli: We’re playing Scrabble. It’s a nightmare.
Sara: Scrabble? Scrabble’s great.
Leeli: Not when you’re playing with Uncle Artham, it’s not. He put words like “ephemeral” and I put “dog.”
Nia: Are you listening to me?
Kalmar: *nods*
Nia: What did I just say?
Kalmar: *nods*
Nia: ...
Artham: Die.
Arrundelle: Please don't die!
Artham: DIE!
Arrundelle: PLEASE DON'T DIE!
Janner, confused: Why are they yelling at a plant?
Nia, watching while eating popcorn: They bought it together and Arrundelle wants Artham to accept it as their kid.
Janner, furious: What do you mean we have homework tonight? I have books to read!
Janner: Where is Kalmar?
Leeli: I'll do you one better, who is Kalmar??
Sara: Here's a better question, why is Kalmar?
Janner: Christmas is cancelled.
Kalmar: You can't cancel a holiday.
Janner: Keep it up, Kalmar, and you'll lose New Year's too.
Kalmar: What does that mean?
Janner: Mama, take New Year's away from Kalmar.
Janner: Yesterday, I watched Kalmar try to eat a decorative rock from Sara's potted plant. Uncle Artham caught him, and told him he can't eat rocks. Kal started whining something about no food being in the house before walking away.
Nia, walking into the kitchen at night: Janner? Why are you making pudding?
Janner: Because I've lost control of my life.
Janner: Here's your pudding Kal.
Kalmar: Oh that's okay, I'm not hungry anymore.
Nia, to Artham: Why is Kal not talking?
Artham: I'm playing the silent game with him.
Nia: Well, then you just lost.
Artham: I lost two hours ago. I gave him ear plugs and told him to close his eyes. It was the only way I could think of to get him to shut up.
Nia: I just watched Kalmar jump off of a spinning chair. Luckily, he wasn't hurt that badly. But the whole time, Leeli was screaming for help, which caused Janner to run in to help Kal. Just note that all of this happened in the span of six minutes.
Janner: I’m telling you, my siblings are competent.
Leeli, rushing in: Janner! Kal tried to make pasta in the coffee pot and now it's broken!
The plant one made me cry and laugh at the same time…🤣😭