After Times of Tender Agony: Ch. 28

"I'm Not Going Anywhere"

Notes:

And now a very brief taste of what you've been asking about for quite a while^^

*****

The words, “It’s alright, I’m here,” slipping unharmed between the shattered pieces of the horrible nightmare Janner had had first made him angry—how dare his mind taunt him with Sara’s voice, making her seem alive and real?—and then heartbroken as he remembered she had died. 

“Go away,” he whispered hotly, then turned his head and buried his face in a—

Pillow?

Janner furrowed his brow, utterly confused. Where had a pillow come from? He hadn’t grabbed one stashed somewhere in the Treehouse—had he? Not to mention…he was laying on something soft that felt incredibly bedlike—had he dreamt about the pain and horror of escaping from Jebsun’s practice?

He tried turning onto his side, curling up in a ball, but every muscle screamed in protest, and he groaned without wanting to. That settled the matter—he hadn’t imagined escaping. 

So why was he back? Was he back?

Opening his eyes tentatively, Janner saw an incredible amount of white-ish as well as some light blond wood, meaning he was indeed with Jebsun again. 

The sound of shifting movement caught his attention, and a shaded spot bobbed against the wall. Jebsun, most likely, hovering. 

“Please leave,” he said again, trying a more polite method than the previous time. His head throbbed and everything burned. He didn’t know why he bothered with social niceties. 

A hand reached out and touched his shoulder, a hand certainly belonging to the shadow hovering nearby, but it didn’t belong to Jebsun. It was far too light, gentle, small. He flinched away from it. The touch scalded him, and the voice attached to it made him sick.

“I’m not going to leave you.”

It was Sara’s voice, though it didn’t sound exactly like her, and he hated his mind for tormenting him with such a lovely thing. 

“You’ve already gone,” he hissed, balling his hands into fists. His heart raced in panic and waves of heat and frigidity swept over him. “Please, get out of my head.”

“No.”

“GET OUT OF HERE!” he shouted, swinging his legs onto the floor and forcing himself into a sitting position, in one violent, painful motion. He stifled a cry of pain as his head swam, and his stomach threatened to retch. Every part of his body burned with pain and flames, but he didn’t care, he just wanted the thing pretending to be Sara gone. “Just leave,” he whispered, hunched over, his head spinning, everything trembling, unable to look at the person or imagined shadow in front of him, just staring blearily at his hands in his lap. His ears were ringing, more so than usual and he was cold, and if he didn't lay down again soon, he'd probably black out again. Laying down again would have been welcome, but he didn't think he could configure something so...strangely complicated. It was a matter of waiting for unconsciousness, then.

“Janner,” Sara’s voice whispered again, and then a hand reached for his, a slender, smooth, pale hand with a ring on the fourth finger. Janner stared at the hand clasping his firmly, tenderly, at the ring on it. The blue, diamond ring that sparkled and shimmered and looked just like her eyes.

He looked up and the pain dulled, still hovering in the background quietly. “Sara?” he breathed, blinking, unsure if her face was blurred because his eyes couldn’t focus on it or if tears were the culprit. 

“It’s me,” she whispered thickly, the tone in her voice and smile dancing across her lips the sort that went along with tears of joy and grief. Still holding his hand, she came and sat down next to him, pulling him into a gentle embrace. 

A choked breath of wonder and joy escaped from his chest. “You’re alive.”

“Yeah,” she said with a little laugh, then kissed his cheek. “He lied to you.”

“He lied,” Janner murmured, exhaustion and pain crashing over him again. “It was all a lie.”

Sara carefully eased him back and covered him again, but she didn’t let go of his hand. 

“Don’t go,” he breathed, trying his hardest to keep his eyes open and failing. 

Sara leaned down and kissed him, then brushed his cheek. “I’m not going anywhere,” she promised.

*****

They were about to reach the grey stage of dawn; the window in the room filled with navy and stars, and a candle provided Sara with light that flickered and cast uncertain shadows and glows about the place. 

“I’m guessing you did a little more than simply sending out messages to the others this time, yes?” she asked quietly, looking up from her book as a shadowed version of Artham came into the small medical room. The first time he had left was in the middle of their tea with Addie after they had gotten back to Glipwood with Janner, and he had reappeared about two hours later, saying he had been creating messages for the others in the search party. The following day, he had disappeared after breakfast and come back after dinner without bothering to offer an excuse. Though the news that Janner had awoken must have pleased him, it didn’t show on his face. He had left again what must have been near twenty-four hours ago, and this time, Sara resolved to get an answer out of him. He had been gone for far too long, concerningly long, and she had begun to worry about him. 

Focusing on Janner instead of her, he nodded. “I spent a little time searching for him,” he admitted, weary anger slipping into his voice.

“Artham, you look dead on your feet. Sit down, at the very least if you want to stay, and remember, Addie has that room open for us.” 

Glancing at one of the chairs, Artham seated himself, sighing in what sounded like frustration. “How long have you been sitting like that?” he asked, looking at her briefly before closing his eyes.

Sara blushed. An hour or so earlier, Janner had woken up from a nightmare that threw him into a horrific coughing fit that sounded chillingly familiar, and it had been long and loud enough to awake and alert Jebsun. After the coughing had subsided, he slipped an extra few pillows behind Janner to prop him up and discourage fluid buildup. He had left after that, but despite the obvious exhaustion radiating from Janner, he hadn’t fallen asleep. Sara had seen the feverish fear in his eyes, and it broke her heart. An idea popped into her mind and when she shared it haltingly, he hadn’t opposed the suggestion. As such, Sara had situated herself so she sat back against the headboard on the wall side of the mattress and on top of the covers. She had placed a pillow on her lap and, twisting a bit, Janner had laid his head there and gone to sleep almost immediately. It didn't look as though it was the most comfortable position for him, but he had been sleeping more soundly than he had since she'd been with him again.

“Not long. How did the search go?” she asked, purposely switching the subject. She didn’t want to think about how Janner’s forehead still burned with fever, hotter than before, unless she was imagining it.

Artham sighed. “It’s awfully difficult to look for people if they don’t want to be found, and other than that cabin, we don’t have much of a starting point.”

“Meaning,” she began slowly. “You spent far too much time awake doing something pointless when you could have done something a little more useful, like sleeping.”

Artham snorted but did not open his eyes. “I don’t need sleep, and it wasn’t pointless.”

“Have you found the Overseer?” Sara challenged him, then winced as Janner whimpered in his sleep. She rested her hand on his head and murmured soothingly until he relaxed.

“No,” Artham admitted, clearly irked. 

“Are you any closer to finding him?” She made sure not to say his “name” this time.

He pursed his lips. “No.”

“Are you tired?”

Artham opened his eyes and stared at her. “I’m not as tired, nor as tormented as Janner is. He was kidnapped by someone who traumatized both him and you. He was tortured physically and emotionally for a month before I even came close to fulfilling my duties as his Throne Warden by finding him. He was whipped, starved, deafened in one ear, convinced of your death, stabbed, and Maker-knows-what-else before I found him.” Sara’s throat burned and tears threatened her eyes. “He is the King of Anniera—who has the audacity to treat a king as he has been treated? Not only am I his Throne Warden, I’m his uncle, and I love him like a son. The least I can do is hunt for the monster who did this to him—and to you—and when I find him, he will pay with his life.”

Sara stared at him, unable to speak for the grief and fear filling her heart. She remembered what she had nearly said to Artham before, when they first came back to Glipwood. The desire to say something so biting had fled from her long ago, but at the same time, what Artham spoke of was such an extreme, something so permeant and fixated. She wondered if he would listen to her if she begged him to reconsider. “And how long will you search for him?” she whispered, tears forming in the corners of her eyes.

Artham closed his eyes again. “As long as it takes.”

Sara shook her head. “But what about Arundelle and Ilana and Anniera and Janner, for that matter? They all need you. You’ve found him, Artham. You’ve succeeded. You’ve fulfilled your duties as a Throne Warden. Now you need to continue fulfilling them by staying with Janner, protecting him, helping him, being there with him. I can’t do it all on my own, I just can’t. He needs you. We both need you.”

Artham sighed in resignation. “But what about him?” he asked, sounding rather like a sad, wounded puppy.

Sara shivered at the thought of the Overseer running rampant. “I suppose if he crossed paths with us, you could deal with him,” she conceded. “But Janner needs you more than the Overseer does.”

As if to prove her point, Janner shuddered.

*****

Notes:

Okay, so the first portion of the chapter occurs about twenty-four hours after they get back to Glipwood with Janner, meaning Janner was asleep for around thirty-six hours.

The second portion of this chapter occurs around two days after the first chapter, and three days after they get back to Glipwood. The passage of time in this chapter was a little wonky, so I just wanted to clarify that^^

Anyway, I would consider this a happy chapter, probably the firstly genuinely happy chapter in a while! I hope you like it.