After Times of Tender Agony: Ch. 39

An Overheard Confession

Notes:

Just so you all know, I'm not posting tomorrow because I need to catch up on chapter writing. I'm behind (😅) Very behind. I'm hoping to write a chapter and a half tonight, the same tomorrow and the next day. There may be another day or so before the end of the fic where I don't post, because I need to catch up on writing 😅

Other than that...it's Jebsun's POV for this chapter! I don't think we've had his perspective in quite a while!

*****

Jebsun hadn’t wanted to make assumptions before he had some sort of confirmation that Chathan was indeed referring to Janner, but now that he had received it, he froze. Nia happened to be in his line of sight, behind Chathan, he watched as her eyes went wide, her face turned the color of parchment, her arms fell limp to her sides, and her mouth parted slightly. For a second, he thought she was going to faint, but then she shook herself, and though the color didn’t completely return to her cheeks, the surprise and horror were quickly replaced by a mask of pleasantry. It still astonished him how she could do that.

“Dr. Jebsun?” Chathan asked. “Did you hear me?”

Jebsun cleared his throat. “Yes, Chathan, of course I’m listening. Now, would you mind telling me first why and how you know Janner, then your role in all this, then who’s coming. You can take a cookie first, though.”

Blushing, Chathan nodded and selected one with a powdered top. “Um, so, back in early Eightmoon, I ran into an elderly man, and I did something, and he got really upset. He said he’d hurt my Mama and sister, and I told him I’d do anything to keep them safe. I also apologized. A lot. He didn’t exactly accept. Instead, he made me do something for him, but it wasn't an immediate thing. I didn't have to do it until late Ninemoon…I was kind of acting as an imposter. Not really, I guess since the person I was pretending to be doesn’t exist. He had me dress up as the son of Queen Bhora, you know, the Strander who’s queen of Torrborro. Then—I think there was some coercion going on—I took on her role as the diplomat in charge of the annual conference between the kingdoms.” 

At this point in the quickly-delivered tale, Nia came over and sat down in the armchair, picking up her yarn and beginning to crochet silently. Her eyes focused on the half-way worked shawl, but Jebsun knew she was listening to every word.

“Dr. Jebsun, are you still listening?”

Blinking, Jebsun realized he had, once again, stopped focusing on Chathan. “Yes, I am, I’m sorry. The last thing I heard was you saying this ‘elderly man’ ordered you to take on Queen Bhora’s role. Where was she, by the way? Oh, and the man's name would be helpful.”

Chathan shrugged. “She wasn’t there most of the time. The man didn't tell me his name, he just called himself the 'Overseer.' Anyway, he told me to keep a special eye on Janner Wingfeather and Sara Cobbler, who were representatives from Anniera, and I was supposed to know where they were and who they were with, and I had give all that information to someone named Tirge who seems kind of like he’s the Overseer's spokesperson. A few days in, Tirge gave me a powder I had to get to Janner, or else he’d go and hurt my little sister. So…I did it and then later that day, Janner disappeared from his room and there was a puddle of blood left behind and…and I knew Tirge and the Overseer had taken him. I wanted to say something so badly, but I didn’t know who to talk to or…or…” 

Chathan looked at his hands as he said that, staring at the cookie with a bite out of it. From the armchair, Nia had stopped crocheting and pursed her lips into a thin line. Her eyes were closed, but if they were open, Jebsun had a feeling he would see a good deal of anger. She kept silent though, and he was thankful. They needed Chathan to finish his story.

“Please continue,” Jebsun said softly, and as he did, the kettle began to whistle. Nia put her yarn aside and got up, heading for the kitchen.

“Then, both Tirge and the Overseer were mostly absent for the rest of the conference. It was my job to instruct the Torrboran guard to look for Janner so no one would suspect them. Torrborro wasn’t responsible, unless you count Queen Bhora taking bribe money, which I heard about, but I don’t know if it’s true” —the tea cup Nia set down on the counter crashed angrily, the force of it not so strong it would break, but enough to convey fury— “The Overseer had me do quite a few other things, but he must not have been satisfied with my methods. One, Tirge took me someplace blindfolded so the Overseer could set me straight, I suppose, but before he actually got to ‘dealing with me,’  I heard someone groaning and I found Janner and his back looked—” Chathan made a face, one of horror and disgust. “It looked really bad, and I made the Overseer get me some bandages and salve and water and a rag and I took care of it the way you showed me how to take care of bad wounds, sort of, it wasn’t perfect, and still looked really bad afterward and there was so much blood and—” his breath shuddered suddenly, and in the same moment Nia cried out.

Jebsun was on his feet in an instant, rushing to her side, automatically putting a hand on her arm. “Nia, what’s wrong?” he asked, stunned to see tears rolling down her flushed cheeks.

“It’s nothing,” she whispered, her voice breaking. “I just…I splashed a little water on my hand when I was pouring it into the teacups; I’m fine.”

Jebsun glanced briefly at both her hands, but he knew that certainly wasn’t the reason she had cried out. It had been the buildup, the buildup of Chathan’s story and talking about Janner being wounded and bleeding, and the burn was just what was needed to make the grief and anger of it all come spilling out.

“I know your hand is fine,” he said gently. “But your mind and your heart aren’t.”

Shaking her head, Nia bit her lip before whispering, “I remember holding him in my arms, how safe I knew he was, Jebsun, I remember when he said ‘Mama’ for the first time, when he walked for the first time, when he fell and skinned his knee and cried in pain for the first time, when he got trapped in a closest and wasn’t found for hours, and I saw fear in his eyes for the first time. And now? Now, when I hold him in my arms he trembles, when he speaks it’s never from the heart, when he walks it’s only with a cane, and when I look into his eyes, I see nothing but terror and guilt.”

 All this came in shuddering breaths, quiet, so Chathan could barely hear, but what she said was spoken, not loudly but firmly and audibly in anger. “Do you know what that’s like, Jebsun? Do you know what it’s like to see your child this way, to watch him suffer silently while on the outside he pretends nothing’s wrong in his heart and mind? Do you—”

Jebsun pulled her close, and she didn’t resist as she trembled and drew shuddery breaths. “I don’t,” he admitted. “I don’t know what it’s like, but I see you going through it, at least, as much as you’ll let me see, and I want to help you. I heard a little of your conversation with Sara when you first got here. You listened to her, and you told her the only way to help Janner was to listen, maybe even force him to speak, but to listen. When was the last time someone listened to you?”

Nia froze, looked up at him, then pulled away, the brief opening of the curtains to the windows of her soul closing. 

He didn’t press her to remain close as she retreated, and he didn’t pursue her when she escaped to the armchair, picking up her crochet again. Admittedly, he did watch her for a few seconds before remembering the tea and Chathan—he fumed silently regarding Chathan—and so he proceeded to grab the latter and set it on the coffee table and hopefully resume conversation with the former.

“So,” he said as he placed Nia’s teacup on the end table near the armchair. “I’m sorry for the interruption, but please, continue, Chathan.”

Chathan only stared at him, frozen in what appeared to be shame and horror. “That’s Janner’s mother?” he hissed. “She’s been here the entire time, she’s been listening, you didn’t feel like telling me, and now you want me to keep talking about what I let happen to her son?”

“Uh, yes,” Jebsun said, nodding slightly as he took a sip of his tea. “You can’t possibly say anything worse than what’s already come out of your mouth, right?”

Red with embarrassment, Chathan muttered, “I guess not.”

“So?”

“So…then I came back and kind of just waited and let the Overseer know when the others left to look for Janner, and I didn’t hear anything and was just stuck there. Then, Artham sent me the letter about the luggage, and I sent it to Lamendron so the Overseer wouldn’t suspect anything, but then, just the other day, he said he was going to come after Janner anyway, even if Sara hadn’t found him yet, and so I had to come to warn you. I know he could still hurt my family...but I couldn't just sit back and watch while he hurt Janner and Sara even more.”

Jebsun eyed him suspiciously. “Did you tell him Janner was in Glipwood?” 

Chathan shook his head.

“Then how, pray tell, does he know to come here?”

“He’s known almost since you found him,” Chathan whispered. Nia rose from her seat out of horror. “He was waiting until Lord Artham and Sara found him so he could hurt them both, but I think he got impatient. I promise, I didn’t tell!” he cried. “Just me being here means my mother and sister aren’t safe! Why would you think I’d lie to you?”

Pressing praying hands against his lips, Jebsun thought for a few minutes. He hadn’t had a huge amount of contact with Chathan since he’d moved back to Glipwood, but he’d never known him to be a liar. A rascal, yes, and apparently a thief, as well, at least a small-time one, but never a liar.

“I don’t think you’re lying,” Nia said before he could respond, her voice cold. “But please understand that if you are, then you’re lying to the royal family of Anniera, and you will face serious consequences.”

Chathan appeared to shrink, and the color drained from his face. He nodded, his eyes terrified. “I’m not lying,” he whispered.

“We’ll need to leave, then,” Nia said suddenly, beginning to pace. “We can’t stay here; it isn’t safe.”

“Where do you plan on going?” Jebsun challenged lightly, standing. “Tracking us will be easy; we won’t get away from him. Wouldn’t it be better if we hold our ground and take care of the Overseer when he comes? If he still thinks Janner and I are alone and he knows Chathan may have warned me, and he knows anything about me, he knows I move when things get too hot. He won’t expect us to stay.” And, though he didn’t say it, he wasn’t sure what travelling would do to Janner’s health, even if his symptoms weren’t terrible as of that day.

Nia shook her head. “His plan is intricate on the surface, but it feels almost sloppy, and it seems like it’s unraveling. I doubt he’s looked into you, and I doubt he’s thinking quite that much.”

“But what about Janner?” Jebsun finally implored. “I know he’s doing pretty well, but what if he gets worse while we're leaving? What if he gets sick, and I don’t have what I need to help him?”

Drawing a shuddery breath, Nia closed her eyes and reached up, running her fingers through her hair. “He’s survived worse, Jebsun,” she whispered, and if her eyes were open, he had a feeling tears would fill them. “I’d rather be a flying duck than a sitting duck, wouldn’t you? The former is far harder to hit. The Overseer’s coming, and we have to do something.”

“Where would we go, though?” Jebsun asked, not quite willing to give in. Leaving, and on such short notice?!

Nia smiled. “Well, Anniera of course.”

“What about my family, though?” Chathan interjected unexpectedly, pleading. “It's great that you can run, but we can't! We don't have anywhere to go!”

“I’m still not certain about the leaving,” Jebsun murmured.

It didn’t seem as though anyone heard him. Crouching, Nia laid a hand on Chathan's shoulder. “Don't worry. One of our friends will send men to keep you safe.” She seemed genuine, not just putting up a façade of gentleness.

“Wonderful, Gammon’s men will still have something to do,” Jebsun said. “But, again, leaving might not be the best idea. We won’t have the certainty of Gammon’s men being around, the Overseer might pop up at any time. We won’t be surrounded by four certain, known walls elsewhere.”

Looking between them, Chathan dared to pipe up again. “You both keep going back and forth and back and forth and you sound a lot like two married people. Are you two sure you’re not married, or at least courting?”

Jebsun facepalmed and might have answered, had someone else not spoken first.

“Can…can we leave…please?” came Janner’s halting, breathless voice from behind them. Jebsun’s head shot up instantly, soon enough to where he saw Nia spun around and rushed toward him, automatically putting her arm around him, as if she were terrified he would collapse in an instant. It was a valid concern.

“What are you doing awake? And up?” she asked, sounding almost like she was scolding him, but her heart wasn’t in it.

He shrugged. “I woke up and…couldn’t sleep.”

“Do you want to sit with us?” Jebsun asked a little awkwardly. There weren’t all that many options: either he would go back to his room and Nia would leave with him, putting a halt to planning that really needed to be done at that moment, or he would stay up with them for a few more minutes.

Janner hesitated, then nodded, and kept his head down as he limped toward the armchair with Nia’s assistance. The sound of him struggling to catch his breath after Nia helped him into it was almost enough to make Jebsun wince, but he refrained. Instead, he turned his attention toward Nia, who had chosen to sit on the sofa since she had given up her seat.

“So, leaving,” he began. “It seems as though I’m outnumbered in terms of having the opinion that there are benefits to staying.”

Nia smiled. “Yes, that is the case. There’s an Annieran ship in Lamendron’s port, so we have a way home.”

They would be going to Anniera? Already? Jebsun hadn’t been expecting to move until Thirdmoon, and here they were, late Firstmoon, and already planning on leaving! How would he pack everything in time? At least his herbs and roots all had labels. He wouldn’t lose any of them, though there was the risk of some of the jars breaking. It would be a voyage across the sea—what if a squall came?

“We’ll need…to send notice,” Janner inputted quietly. “They’ll have to…restock on supplies.”

Jebsun nodded absentmindedly, and Nia replied, “I’ll ask Artham to do it in the morning.” 

Everyone was silent after that, as if all the major details had been planned in just a few sentences. Surely there were more things they needed to configure? Jebsun almost brought it up, but at that moment, out of the corner of his eye, he caught sight of movement. When he turned a little to catch a better view of it, the sight of Chathan slinking away greeted him. They locked eyes for a moment, and then Chathan looked at the floor. 

Jebsun furrowed his brow; someone else had spent time looking at the ground and avoiding eye contact that night. He glanced at Janner, who was very steadily staring at his hands. 

Nia had apparently noticed it as well, and asked, “Janner, how much did you hear of what Chathan said?”

He shrugged. “Not much.”

“Janner.”

“Most of it,” he whispered. Now he trembled. “All of it.”

Chathan visibly shrunk. “I’m so, so, sorry,” he murmured.

Janner didn’t react.

“Say it again, louder, clearer,” Jebsun whispered, quiet enough to where Janner wouldn’t hear it. He likely hadn’t heard Chathan’s apology, but Jebsun wasn’t going to explain that. There was no need.

“I’m sorry, Janner,” Chathan repeated, louder this time. 

Once again, there was no response. For a few moments, Jebsun thought Janner might’ve blacked out, but his eyes were still open.

“It's fine,” he finally whispered, then halfway curled into the armchair with more than a wince and closed his eyes.

*****

Notes:

Now, quite obviously, it's not fine and Janner isn't fine with it, but at this time he's kind of tired and resigned with the whole deal relating to the Overseer and he doesn't feel like dealing with it any more than he needs to....

Anyway, please let me know if there's anything noncanonical or wonky. And in terms of Jebsun and Nia, remember that Rudric and Nia seemed really weird at first, and then it was sweet and happy and then Andrew wrecked it and it was infuriating for so many different reasons :'( BY THE WAY I'm not going to do that to Jebsun and Nia! Nia deserves happiness! For once!