In Hours of Grievous Hope: Ch. 8

Reassurance

Notes:

A number of characters aren't focused on/covered in this chapter (i.e. Sara and Oskar) because they're just not really a part of it. But they're still here, I promise^^

So Oskar disappeared off to write in one of the houses in Clovenfast because it is getting kind of late in terms of time, and Sara is still with Janner.

*****

When they arrived in the courtyard of Clovenfast, Oskar had disappeared, and Artham had returned and was meandering through Clovenfast, brushing his hands against buildings, rocks, looking at them intently. Kalmar wondered what he was doing for a moment before remembering the likelihood that lines for poems were running through his head was very high. Then Artham’s wings twitched and his head jerked awkwardly, and compassion flooded through Kal’s heart.

He almost broke away from Nia and Leeli to try and help, but his mother beat him to it. “It’s getting late,” she murmured. “Sara might want some company and readying yourselves for bed won’t hurt. I’m…going to go speak with Artham.”

Leeli nodded and immediately began making her way toward the house they were staying at, looking back after a moment. “Kal, are you coming?”

Shaking his head, he only glanced at her. “I’ll be there in a minute, okay?”

She nodded and the tapping of her crutch on the stone resumed, the only sound in all of Clovenfast. 

Kal turned his attention back to Nia and Artham, debating between whether he wanted to creep closer so he could see them better in the failing light or stay where he was, so he would be eavesdropping as little as possible while still technically eavesdropping. 

In the end he crept a bit closer, though not much, only because he wanted to watch the interaction. He knew Nia’s words from the day before had bothered Artham, and he wanted to see what she was going to do about it.

He couldn’t make out anything specific at that moment; only Nia’s whispers filtered through the quiet air. But by the way Artham kept his head down and the constant twitching of his wings, Kal guessed he was at least uncomfortable.

When Nia reached out to grasp his forearm, much like she had months before after they barely escaped from being tossed into the Black Carriage, Artham flinched, and a Peet-like whimper escaped, loud enough that it was heard across the courtyard, based on the concerned grunt he heard from Oskar, writing away in the background of everything.

Kalmar focused his attention on Nia and Artham again, desperately hoping the exchange would be over before it grew too dark for him to see anything. Backing up a few paces and crouching lower to the ground, it looked as though Artham was trying to get away from Nia, but she followed him anyway, her hand outstretched. It reminded Kal of the way Leeli would talk to and try to comfort a crying puppy in the Houndry, and he swallowed a lump of grief. Artham didn’t deserve to suffer from guilt so easily or to lapse into madness at a moments’ notice. He wondered if there was a way to restore him along with the other Lost Cloven in the Blackwood and Throg and if the Maker would allow that.

Even with squinting it was becoming difficult to see anything from his distance, so Kalmar drew closer, settling down behind a chunk of carved stone that had been used for who-knew-what that was only a stone’s throw away from his mother and uncle.

Artham had stopped backing away by that point and simply crouched on the ground, hiding himself between his wings, muttering something that Kalmar couldn’t really hear. He guessed, though, that if he could hear it, he wouldn’t understand it anyway. 

Nia reached out again, joining him on the ground. “Artham, it’s not your fault,” she whispered gently, the way she would speak if she were talking to him or Leeli or Janner when they were scared. “I promise: I do not blame you. I don’t blame you for anything; I never did! You’re a brother to me, you know that, right?” 

Kal wondered if he imagined seeing his uncle’s wings unfold a bit.

“And I love you as such,” she continued, grasping his forearm that he had finally let escape from underneath the blanket of his wings. “I’m sorry; I’m truly sorry for what I said. There was no way you could have changed anything, there just wasn’t,” her voice was breaking at that point, and she hugged Artham, likely because she couldn’t speak anymore.

Something told Kalmar that although Nia had hugged Artham to reassure him, she received just as much reassurance from it. He backed away silently, feeling uncomfortable that he had watched for so long. It wasn’t right that he had listened in on the conversation or watched so many heart-wrenching emotions spill forth from the strongest people still alive he had ever known.

The idea that Nia and Artham had a closer relationship than they had ever really expressed had somehow never occurred to him. He hadn’t realized they were like siblings and for that matter, his mind was beginning to wonder how his mother had ever managed to stay away from Artham all those years he had wandered around Glipwood forest and the township.* 

Again, that's not your focus, he chided himself as he strode toward the house where he would try to sleep and hopefully not end up failing miserably. He knew he had to focus on the Stone and apparently the First Well, because that still factored into things somehow. Yet even so, he realized as he chose one of the two open beds in the room Leeli also slept in (Sara would probably join them later; she was still with Janner, though) and crawled into it, he had an urge he had never experienced before to know his family more intimately, to understand them, to see how their relationships intertwined. He had never really thought about it before, taking for granted the fact that they all loved and tolerated each other (for the most part) and not paying attention to the who and the why behind it. 

It was too late by that point. It would all be over soon, and though he knew he had to carry out his task because the Maker had instructed him to do so, his heart broke, not for everything he would miss but for the ache his actions would leave behind. It would hurt those he loved dearly, and he could only pray the Maker would strengthen them and give them the hope and faith to struggle through it.

He pack holding the Ancient Stone close to his chest and the memory of Janner doing something similar almost enough to make him start crying again, Kal eventually fell asleep, uncharacteristically completely worried about his family, and his family alone.

*****

“Kalmar.”

At the unforgettable sound of the Maker’s Voice, his eyes flew open, only to snap shut again as he realized he was looking at the Maker’s pulsating Glory. Looking down as he opened his eyes for the second time, Kal came to two intelligent conclusions: one; the Maker had come to him in a dream again; and two; he was in the presence of the Maker of Aerwiar and he was sitting down. Nia and Janner hadn’t managed to teach him many manners, but even he knew better than to do such a thing in the presence of One so Just, Loving, and Gracious. 

In response to those conclusions he stood, shading his eyes from the Maker’s Wonder while looking around at the garden’s teeming beauty, which he could take in without being blinded. With a flush of embarrassment, he remembered he needed to respond. “Yes, Sir,” he said after what felt like too long of a silence. 

“You needn’t walk alone. I will send a helper for you,” He continued, beginning to walk through the garden, beckoning Kalmar to follow Him. “I know you have been told that, but I also know you do not believe it.”

Kal knew it was a moment in which he should have felt frustration bubbling in his heart, but nothing of the sort happened. “No, I don’t believe it,” he admitted, his eyes briefly settling on a gorgeous patch of iridescent flowers. “It’s because if I tell someone else what’s happening, they’ll panic instantly! They’ll probably sit on me to keep me from doing anything.”

“Do you doubt that I can change someone’s heart on the matter?” the Maker asked him, a mixture of gravity and sadness in His Voice. 

“Well, no. Of course not,” he replied sheepishly. He wanted to dig another hole in the grass with the toe of his shoe, but he couldn’t do that in such a glorious place. It would defile everything.

The Maker’s shimmering Form glimmered, as if to chuckle — and whether it was directed at Kalmar’s confession or his inner thoughts, he remained unsure. “Then trust Me to work on the hearts of those I choose, just as I have worked on yours.”

Nodding, Kal realized that reminded him of the train of thought he was struggling with a good deal. “Maker, I’m worried about my family,” he murmured, staring at a stand of vibrant trees straight ahead of them. “If…if what I think is going to happen happens…what will Mama do? She’s barely holding on as it is and Leeli doesn’t deserve this! Not to mention that I’m sure Uncle Artham will feel even guiltier — oh, by the way, can he meld too so he’s not a bird anymore? — and then there’s also—”

“Kalmar,” the Maker began gently. “It’s alright. I know what is happening and I know what will happen.”

“But will you take care of them?” Kal asked urgently.

“I will care for them,” He confirmed, His Voice fading into a throbbing echo. “I will care for them.” 

*****

Notes:

Let me know if there's anything noncanonical or if there are things that seem strange^^

*this is a little nod to my headcanon that Nia didn't actually stay away from Artham like Podo told her to (and like he told Peet to) while they were in Glipwood. I see Artham as her unofficially adopted brother (she didn't have siblings so it's not too farfetched). Part of my reasoning regarding them having regular contact in Glipwood comes from OtEotDSoD, p. 205, where her dialogue lends to the idea that she already knows about his Treehouse, which she seems very comfortable being in once they get to it at the end of the book. Plus, she comforts him (she touches his arm a few times, hugs him, etc.) in ways that in his crazed state, I'm honestly surprised he didn't try to escape. This makes it seem like he's used to that from her and that it's familiar. I also think she made his socks.

So anyway :DD