Lingering Shadows-Chapter 38

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Chapter 38-Division

Even before they left for the Keep the next morning, Esben realized that it was going to be an agonizingly long day. He didn’t know why, but after the run in with Malik the night before, Artham had only asked if he was okay and then had been blessedly silent for most of the walk home. 

But that morning Esben’s tense attitude, his indirect refusal to answer any questions, and his eagerness to get to the Keep an hour before they were even expected managed to put Artham very much on edge. 

The reason Artham hadn’t asked any questions the night before was simply because he had no idea what to say. That morning he did try to start a conversation though, because Esben was acting more nervous and stressed than he had since Artham had shown him the note in his room. He was also very clearly trying to hide it. As good an actor as he was, Artham knew him well enough to see through every false smile and his nonchalant words. 

After Artham had eaten his breakfast and Esben had fed most of his to Connolin, the two of them finally got ready to leave for the Keep, Connolin following close behind them. Artham stood in the short hallway that led up to the door while Esben put on his coat. Esben paused for a second, then looked back at Artham. 

“What are you waiting for?” He asked.

 “Aro. He’s always here waiting for us to leave,” Artham answered, stepping to the end of the hallway and looking around, expecting to see the boy come running up.

“I’m going to go see where he is,” Artham said, not turning to look at his brother. “Don’t leave without me, okay?” 

Esben let out a long, annoyed sigh, but agreed to wait for Artham, sitting down in a huff on a bench beside the door.

Artham walked quickly toward the living quarters that were on the opposite side of the manor from his and Esben’s rooms. About halfway there, he heard someone running down the hall. 

“Aro, is that you?” He asked, stepping away from the turn in the hallway. The footsteps slowed, and a second later Aro stumbled around the corner, carried a few steps further by his momentum, slinging his satchel over his shoulder, breathless and panting. 

“Um, yeah it's me,” Aro said. “But I mean I guess you can see that now…” he trailed off. He had only met Artham’s eyes when he had come around the corner. Now he looked down at his boots, rubbing the palm of his hand. 

“Sorry I’m late,” he said in a quiet, apologetic voice. 

“It's okay,” Artham answered. “You’re actually not late. Esben just has the whole world running half an hour early for some reason. Come on, let's go now,” Artham said. He started to walk back in the direction of the door, but he didn’t hear Aro following him, so he stopped and looked back. 

“Is something wrong?”

Aro hesitated, looking down. 

“Uh…Is it okay if I don’t go with you and Esben today?” He asked, stumbling over his words a little. When he had finished talking he swallowed and took a step back, looking pale. 

“Why?”

 “I-I just don’t… feel very good.” 

“Do you think you’re sick?” Artham asked, concern immediately showing on his face. 

“N-no. I just don’t want to go anywhere right now,” he answered, glancing at his hands and clenching them at his sides when he noticed his nervous rubbing. Artham paused, looking at Aro’s face. Aro didn’t turn away but also didn’t lift his eyes to meet Artham’s. 

“You can stay if you want to, I guess. I have to go now though, Esben will be dying to get out the door. I hope you feel better.” 

“Thanks,” Aro said.

 “See you when we get home,” Artham said, turning to leave. For a second Aro didn’t answer while Artham walked away.

 “Wait!” He finally called, then clamped a hand over his mouth like he had let the word out on accident and he wished he would have stayed silent. 

“What?” Artham turned around. 

“Nothing.” Aro muttered, angry at himself again. After a second he looked up, finally meeting Artham’s eyes with a steady gaze. When he spoke, Artham felt slightly relieved because he sounded more normal again, but in reality the even tone of Aro’s voice came from a calm, desperate resignation. 

“Goodbye, Artham,” he said steadily, then turned and walked away quickly, almost running, back in the direction of his room. 

Artham stood in the hallway for a second, watching his scribe disappear as he rounded the corner. He huffed in exasperation. 

First it was Esben, and now it's Aro. Why in Aerwiar is everyone acting so strangely!?

He turned and headed back to the front door, deciding that at the moment he was needed more by his confusing, stressful brother, than his strange, also confusing scribe. And if he didn’t show up soon, Esben would probably leave in a few minutes and come up with some crazy excuse for why it was actually not going against what he had agreed to, and by some incredible power of younger brother logic it would somehow make sense. 

When he got to the front door, Esben was muttering to himself and pacing. 

“- and I just need to tell you- no, that won’t work.” Esben let out a long sigh, then continued, gesturing and speaking like he was talking to someone else.  “I need to start by just saying I’m really, really sorry but-”

“Esben what are you doing?” Artham asked, his head tilted to the side and one eyebrow raised. 

“Ah!” Esben spun around, then his face flushed red. “Nothing! And don’t sneak up on me Artham!” He then turned and busied himself with this coat.

 “I wasn’t sneaking up on you. Not everybody walks like a herd of tahalum,” Artham said, his annoyance and exasperation starting to show in his voice. 

“Es, what’s going on? Something’s wrong,” Artham paused and Esben opened his mouth to speak but Artham cut him off. 

“Don’t deny it, Esben. I know something’s wrong. What is going on?” Artham’s tone of voice started firm and annoyed, but by the end he sounded simply worried. Esben was tempted to just tell him everything, but that feeling only lasted a moment. 

“You’re right,” he finally said. “Something is wrong. But I can handle it. I’m going to fix things, okay? Please, just trust me this once, Artham. This is something I need to do myself.”

 “At the Keep?” Artham asked doubtfully. 

“Yeah. At the Keep,” Esben lied. 

Artham let out a long, slow breath. 

“Okay. Okay, I’m going to trust you on this, Esben. But if you’re in danger or if someone is giving you trouble don’t hesitate to tell me.” 

A flicker of a smile crossed Esben’s face. 

“Thanks. I wont, but dont worry. Nobody is giving me trouble.”

Except myself. This is my fault and I’m going to fix it. 

“Let’s get going then,” Artham said, reaching down to rub Connolin’s head. “At this rate we’ll be late instead of early.”

 “Yeah, let’s,” Esben echoed, immediately pushing open the door and heading in the direction of the Keep, not even looking back to see if Artham and Connolin were following him. 

What neither of them saw was that after they had both left, Aro walked out the back door and set off at a run through the woods toward Ban Rona. 

*

As Esben had thought it would be, the day was agonizingly long, and he was miserable the whole time, trying to plan what he would say to Nia, wondering what she would think of him afterwards, if she would ever even speak to him again. 

It certainly didn’t make things any better that while Nia wasn’t at the Keep, her cousin was, and any time Esben happened to meet his eyes Malik was glaring daggers at him. That managed to make him twice as nervous as he already was. 

He wondered who would be at Chimeny Hill when he went to tell Nia. He had never seen her mother, but he had met her father once, and the tall, broad, bearded man with bushy eyebrows and a booming voice was terrifying to the skinny sixteen-year-old, who unfortunately was still only a little above average height, unlike his brother. If her pirate father was there he would probably freeze up and stutter and make an absolute fool of himself because he was scared. Actually, it was likely he would do that anyway, but if her father was there he would probably never get around to the topic at all. 

He also hoped Malik would’t be there, but he doubted it since he had said this had to be between Esben and Nia. He did appreciate that. Malik was a good person, and at least he was giving Esben a chance instead of just telling Nia and then clobbering him, which by his glares seemed to be what he wanted to do. 

Malik was clearly angry that Esben had lied to him, but most of the anger and the glares and what he had made Esben promise to do came from the fact that Esben had lied to Nia. He treated her like a sister and the thought came to Esben that he was almost as protective as Artham was. 

Finally, the celebration for that day was over, and Esben hadn’t enjoyed a moment of it. He had barely eaten, and even though he had danced with someone at every song, he never remembered it afterwards. He got sidetracked and distracted during every conversation he was a part of, and he hoped the people he had talked to just thought it was because he was enjoying the party. 

It seemed like days before people started leaving, and caught between Malik’s angry glare and Artham’s annoying, overprotective, concerned stare, it was very uncomfortable and increasingly stressful.

He let out a huge sigh of relief when the celebration officially ended. People would probably stay for another two or three hours, talking and eating and maybe striking up another song and dance. But if he disappeared now, no one would be the wiser. He grabbed his cloak and his satchel and headed for the door to the Keep. He walked out, trying to look like he was just enjoying himself and wandering around. 

But he steadily made his way toward the back gate, intending to cut through to woods to reach Chimeny Hill.

He tried to open the gate but the latch was rusty from little use, so he bent over slightly, trying to muffle the piercing shriek of rough, rusty metal scraping against metal, so he didn’t notice Artham coming up behind him until his older brother put a hand on his shoulder.

 For the second time that day he yelped in surprise and whirled around to see his brother.

 “Things would be easier if you did walk like a herd of tahalum!” He blurted out. 

Artham let out a short huff of laughter, but his smile disappeared quickly. 

“Where are you going?” He asked, the worry in his voice deepened by the serious look on his face. Before he could think, Esben lied again. 

“I wasn’t going anywhere. I just needed some fresh air.” Then his face got hot again, also in slight embarrassment because he had literally just been trying to open the gate. Any excuse that he wasn’t trying to leave was a very stupid one. Now Artham’s expression was annoyed, almost angry, but most of all disappointed. One look at it told Esben that Artham knew he was lying. 

“Is this about what happened last night?” He asked. 

“No! Of course not!” Esben lied again, immediately regretting it.

 Stop it! He told himself, more than surprised at what he had just heard coming from his mouth so easily. Stop the lies!

 “Don’t lie to me!” Artham said, and if Esben hadn’t been in the desperate, angry, fearful frame of mind he was in he would’ve noticed that Artham’s words went deeper than dissapointment, and seen the hurt look in his eyes. 

“This is about Malik, or his cousin, or something, isn’t it? Tell me the truth, Esben! I know something is wrong. I suspected it since Malik came asking about you last night.”

Esben’s face went blank in surprise, then slowly he started to look angry. 

“Malik was asking about me last night? What did he ask?”

Artham took a step back, surprised by Esben’s harsh, desperate tone. 

“He just wanted to know if you were my brother and-” 

“You told him, didn’t you? You told him!” Esben shouted, no longer even trying to hide the anger in his voice. 

“All I told him was that you were my brother!”

“Then this is your fault!” Esben said, anger mounting in his eyes. In reality, he was angry at himself. A little bit at Malik too, but mostly at himself. He knew inside that nobody was to blame for this whole terrible situation but him, and that he would’ve had to deal with it at some time or other.

But Artham had answered a seemingly harmless question and made everything come down before Esben had ever expected it. 

The fact that everything was his fault didn’t change that the anger and stress inside of him was unchecked and overflowing and needed somewhere to go. 

“What are you talking about? All I told him was your name. What, did you lie about that too?” Artham answered. The scalding anger that Esben had suddenly unleashed on him from out of nowhere was confusing him and making him angry too. Now his tone was a reflection of his brother’s. He immediately regretted it, but he had long since learned that once words are spoken, they can never be unheard again. 

Esben had opened his mouth to retort back, then stopped short and went pale when Artham asked his last question. Artham looked at his face in confusion. 

“Wait, what? Es, did you… did you lie to Malik about…”

The guilty, fearful look on Esben’s face was answer enough. Artham stopped, unable to think of anything to say in his shock. Finally,

 “Esben…why would you do something like that? How could you do something like that?” The unbelief in his voice was mixed with a steadily rising anger. 

“How long have you been lying to people?” He finished. 

Esben glared at him. 

“It’s none of your business!” He shouted, because he couldn’t think of an excuse.

 “Esben, you’re my brother. I’m the Throne Warden! Your business is my business.”

 “Well maybe I didn’t tell you about this because of what you’re doing right now! I don’t need you to- I don’t want you to fix my problems for me! I’m going to fix this and you need to stay out of it.” 

“I can’t do that Esben! You know I can’t do that! You’re the High King.”

 “Maybe I don’t want to be. Maybe I didn’t tell Nia my real name because I wanted someone who was my friend because of who I am, not because of my station.” Esben replied, his eyes flashing angrily. 

“How can you say that?” Artham retorted, the anger in his voice matching Esben’s. “You don’t understand. Your station is a part of who you are. It shapes you and changes you in ways people won’t understand if they don’t know. That girl has no idea who you are! You are the King. But you’ve been lying to so many people!” Artham stopped, the heat of his anger quickly dying down when he saw the flash of hurt cross the guilt on Esben’s angry face. 

“Es, I’m sorry-” he started.

“Don’t! I don’t want to hear it! You meant what you said and you meant the way you said it and you can’t take it back! I’m leaving,” Esben finished with a jerk to the latch of the gate. The metal latch finally came loose with a harsh scream and Esben pulled the gate open. 

“Let me fix this my way. I got into this mess pretending to be a normal person. I’m going to get out of it like one. Just for once, forget you’re my Throne Warden, okay?”

Artham stood in shock for a second, then wave after wave of hurt and then anger crossed his face. 

“Fine. If you are going to stop acting like a King I’ll stop treating you like one.” 

Esben turned and walked quickly into the forest. Artham stood and watched him leave. The heat of Esben’s anger was still blazing, and he tried to keep it hot because he knew when it disappeared completely that he would have to face how he had treated the one person left who always stood by him against anyone and everyone who tried to hurt him in any way. The only problem was that now he was hurting himself. 

Artham’s anger was immediately overwhelmed with guilt for what he had yelled at his little brother. 

I should have been more patient, I should’ve just listened to him! Now what can I do? He wanted to go jump the fence and run after Esben, but had a strong feeling that would only make things worse. And despite the guilt pounding in his heart and the forceful desire to go that very second to make things right again, he realized that for once, this probably was something Esben needed to do alone. Artham didn’t know the whole situation. He didn’t know the people Esben had lied to, or the lies he had told them. If Esben was going to tell them the truth, Artham’s presence would probably only be counterproductive. So after watching the twist in the path Esben had disappeared behind five minutes ago, he wandered back into the Keep, almost unable to believe the things that had been happening for so long without him knowing, the things that had just happened, and the words that had just been spoken like weapons.