Gifts for Obedience
Notes:
I had a GREAT title for this chapter last night and now I can't remember what it was đđđ
*****
The forest glowed with light, pulsating with the brightness of a thousand stars and with forgiveness and mercy and grace and a love so wild no one could contain it. There was pressure and pain and speed, racing faster than anything, faster and fiercer and stronger than the most tumultuous gale. There was beauty and birth, glory and grace, majesty and magnificence, hope and healing. It hurt, it hurt so dreadfully, so terribly. Such a beautiful pain, a glorious ache, a majestic agony, a hopeful searing it was. And all of it was intertwined, interwoven with light and love, throbbing light and love, light and love that never ceased, light and love that continued on and on for eternity.
One thing ended and another began. Falling, falling into a cold so warm. Words jumbled together, letters made no sense, breath disappeared, pressure would not stop, pain would not stop, oh, but that doesnât matter, because the love and forgiveness outshines it all, the light still glowed but not as fiercely, and it was cold and dark and the light was fading away. So, so cold.
Yet indescribably, inexplicably warm and safe and lovely and perfect.
******
Artham was tempted to go upstairs so he could talk to Sara and find out if she knew where Janner was since she was the most likely person to know what he was doing, but decided against it. As of that moment, he was the only one who was dreadfully worried and there was no need to increase that number. If he couldnât find Janner anywhere in the castle, then he would go to Sara. There was no reason spoiling her evening with concern and franticness. For that matter, there was the chance he was simply paranoid that Janner had chosen to free Amrah in the middle of the Ball. Perhaps he hadn't. Perhaps he had been sensible.
His musings did not distract from his concerns, though. In lieu of asking Sara, he figured checking the dungeons would be a safe bet, just in case Janner was there or had gone down there. It was oddly convenient that no one milled around in the Throne Room, since that made it much easier to actually get to the lower part of the castle.Â
His search was in vain though. Well, in vain depending on what way he looked at it. If he meant vain as in not finding Janner, that was certainly true. However if I am speaking of the glaring detail of an empty cell with the door swung open, clearly indicating that Amrah is not here, likely because Janner let her out, then, no, it was not in vain, he huffed inwardly.
The cell itself was fairly bare and offered no clues as to where its former occupant and her liberator had gone, though the satchel Amrah had brought with her was still in there. Artham had forgotten that Kalmar chose to leave it with her rather than taking it. He had been curious at the time as to what was inside it, considering how closely she had held onto it. It might be a violation of privacyâŠbut checking inside wonât hurt, Artham thought as he stepped into the cell and took the satchel in his hands. After all, there could be something inside it that indicates just where theyâve gone.Â
On opening it, Artham was a bit surprised at the contents that consisted only of an odd-looking stuffed animal that he guessed was supposed to resemble a bear. The creature was made of at least six different kinds of fabric, had two different looking eyes, crooked stitching, and disproportionate limbs. He was slightly miffed that nothing helpful had been inside the satchel but chose not to let it be and not muse on it any more than simply assuming it belonged to Amrah. There were far more important matters at hand.
Once again, the lack of people in the Throne Room made it infinitely easier to get to the private sector of the castle, which was really the only place Janner might be. And of course the question was where Amrah had gone. There was the chance they were both outside, but that made little sense.
He made his way upstairs and checked every single room except Sara and Jannerâs room to try and keep from ruining anyoneâs evening other than his own but eventually gave up. Reluctantly he knocked on the door, opened by Nia seconds later after a flurry of frantic-sounding wordsÂ
âYes, Artham?â Her voice was pitched slightly higher than usual and there was a hint of concern in it that he could find no real reason for. Why would she be worried? He hadn't said anything to worry her.
Looking at her closely, Artham waited for a moment before asking. âHave you seen Janner? Itâs about time for his speech. I canât find him, and Iâve looked everywhere.â
Terror flickered through Niaâs eyes. âHeâs outside,â she said quickly. âIn the forest somewhere. The one across from the castle.â
Artham furrowed his brow, choosing not to mention his suspicion that Janner was actually with Amrah. âWhy is he out there?â
Nia shook her head. âIâ I canât explain. Just go. And please hurry.â Then she shut the door without another word, and Artham was left standing there, utterly confused and even more worried than before.
*****
âMaker, please tell me I didnât kill him,â were the words that filtered in slowly, quietly, gently, almost as if they were easing him back into the fringes of reality.Â
Janner felt his chest rise and fall and it didnât hurt, not like it had what felt like only seconds before, but it felt strange, almost foreign. Almost as if he was reading a book that had come to life rather than actually being there fully. At the same time, though, he knew he was there â physically he was completely there, completely present, completely in the vicinity ofâŠsomeone â even if his mind wasnât quite certain.
Noticing that he wasnât telling himself to breathe, it was simply happening on its own, he decided to try telling himself to do something, like move or speak.Â
Speaking, definitely a priority, he decided when the words he had first heard a few seconds earlier came again.Â
It took a try or so, but he eventually coaxed his mouth to move, then convinced his voice to actually say something. âItâs okay; Iâm alright.â
And when he had spoken, a little jolt of surprise ran through him â it hadn't been as hard as he had expected, still harder than normal, but not impossible, and he knew if he tried it again, the same difficulty, the same pause between the thought and the words would happen, but that was alright. It was alright if speaking would not be as it had been for as long as he could remember (which, in that moment, he realized was quite a lot of memories, some of them far more disturbing than others), because the Maker had allowed him to live and for that, he was inexplicably grateful.
In the same few seconds in which he came to that realization, Janner heard a brief choking sound, then sobs intermingled with laughter that could only have been produced by pure joy and gratitude. Out of habit he opened his eyes (why had they been closed anyway?) and scrambled through very cold snow that was soaking his pants into a sitting position so he could actually see the shedder of those tears.
Blinking a few times, first because of how surprisingly bright it was even though it was clearly night â evening, the ball, the Redeemerâs Ball, the speech, he remembered â and second because had had not expected to see a woman in her early to mid-fifties kneeling beside him sobbing with thankfulness, Janner stared. He almost asked her, âwho are you?â but he realized around ten seconds after he planned to ask that his tongue actually wasnât working in sync with his mind and instead became tied in a bit of a knot. The knot worked in his favor, though, because it gave time for the memory to flutter in like a light breeze â Amrah.
Janner found himself furrowing his brow in momentary confusion, so many questions peppering his mind. Why was he with Amrah? Why were they in the middle of the forest at night? Why were they anywhere other than the castle on the night of the Redeemerâs Ball (Kalmar was going to have his head if he missed his speech)? Why was it so bright outside if it was nighttime (he checked again by looking up at the sky; it certainly was nighttime)?
Thankfully, the answers to the questions that he knew he had â it was just a matter of asking them for the secrets to be unlocked â followed soon after. He was with Amrah because the Maker had told him to meld with her, and he had listened. Presumably. Though he didnât think he felt as many physical effects as he should have. They were in the middle of the forest because he had been worried about someone stopping them, and if they had, it would have been perfectly understandable. They were not in the castle because someone might have seen them and stopped them from melding. And it was so bright because the holorĂ© pulsated with daisy-colored light and beauty, casting both shadows and light on everything in the vicinity.
âIâm sorry, Iâm so, so sorry,â Amrah gasped out in between her sobs. âBut thank you. Thank you so, so much.â
Janner smiled at her and gave his tongue a few extra seconds to catch up with his thoughts before he expected words to come. âThereâs nothing to be sorry for. But you shouldnât be thanking me,â he said honestly, placing a hand on her arm. âThe Makerââ his words paused of their own accord and started up again a few seconds later. âIs the One you should thank. Heâs the One who told me to meld with you. ItâŠit wasnât me.â
âBut you didnât have to do it,â she whispered. âHe told you what to do, but it really is always a choice. Thatâs how He is. He lets us choose. Maybe you melding with me was the right choice and what He wanted, but you didnât have to listen. You chose to. You chose to give up your life for me. You didnât have to do that.â
Shaking his head, Janner made sure to factor in the potential pause again. âI did do it, but it might not have ended in my death. I knew that.â
Amrah looked straight into his eyes and for the first time, he saw that hers were a lovely golden-brown that was now tinged with grief. âYou know I melded with another person right?â she whispered, guilt pouring from her tone. Janner nodded. âWellâŠI looked into how he was doing during those six years afterâŠafter Throg.â Tears began glistening in her eyes. âHe didnât make it. He died only a few months later.â
Feeling his heart still with a quiet acceptance, Janner gazed at her with a burning intensity that did not fade before his words came forth. âI would have done it anyway. I thinkâŠthere was a part of me that knew what would happen. And part of itââ (another agonizing pause) âPart of it was my choice. I chose to listen to the Maker, and I chose to forgive you. Because, Amrah, I know the Maker loves you. He always loved you. There was a part of me that was angry because of that. But,â â this time when he paused, he gingerly slipped the holorĂ© into his right hand and helped Amrah up with his left â âIâm not angry anymore. He loves you just as he loves me or Kalmar or anyone else. It doesnât matter what weâve done, because weâll never deserve His Love. He gives it freely. He just asks for obedience in return. And you did that. You listened to him.â
âAnd so did you,â she whispered as they began walking back toward the castle, the glow of the holorĂ© lighting their way.Â
*****
Notes:
So I am really hoping the quality of the writing matches with the message I'm trying to convey, otherwise this story is sadly going up in flames because of my failure to write the final climax well (there were, like, three climaxes đ )
Table of Contents
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
Chapter 26
Chapter 27
Chapter 28
Chapter 29
Chapter 30
Chapter 31
Chapter 32
**breathes sigh of relief*
Such a beautiful picture you painted in that first section! I'll be reading that several times. đ
Artham is so afraid of making Sara and Nia worry, but they're already WAY more worried than he is at this point!
Nia is panicking and told him exactly where Janner is and also told him to hurry to go there. Is this because she figures that Janner had already melded with Amrah and is going to need help (if he's still alive), or because she hopes he can get there in time to stop him? Is Sara okay with what Nia told Artham?
Janner's having trouble talking. He'll have a hard time giving that speech tonight! So this is how to get out of that!
So Amrah now appears younger and healthier, correct? And now she's glad that she didn't kill Janner, but she's still worried that he'll die sometime in the next few months.
You nailed the climax! It's beautiful and perfect!!!! â€â€â€â€â€â€â€ And Lergillial is much less creepy now. đ