Standing Steady in the Storms Ch. 25

This chapter almost didn't exist! It was actually a result of an AO3 reader who wanted Janner to meet the twins (because I entirely forgot about it, lol)

The First Meeting

"I just can't believe you're alive," Janner said, wonder filling his voice.

Sara laughed the sort of laugh that only a person who has strived to believe in the unbelievable for so long and has been met with joy can laugh. "I spent four weeks hoping and praying that you would come back. Oh, Janner. I was so scared." Her words ended in a choked whisper, but Sara forced her tears to stay put. 

Janner was home now, and that was what mattered. Every horrible moment of separation and fear and anxiety during the past month fell away the instant Artham told her Janner was alive. Some of the fear had returned when he explained the predicament of that matter — that Janner had done something similar, though not the same, as what Artham had done years before. Sara had instantly understood what he was saying, that there was a good chance her husband would be sullen, unresponsive, inconsolable, or possibly even insane. Those thoughts had scared her even as her heart rejoiced that he was alive. 

“I-I just found out a week ago,” Janner murmured, looking away.

Sara looked at him curiously. “What do you mean, you just found out?” Janner shook his head wordlessly. “Please, look at me, Janner.” Sara asked him quietly. He shook his head again. She did the only reasonable thing there was to do: she cupped his face in her hand and brought it back to where she could see. When she looked him in the eye, Janner immediately shifted his gaze, looking everywhere except at her face. 

Sara felt grief welling up inside of her. He had the same look in his eyes that he had had when he first came into the room with Artham. It was a distant look, a look that told her he was elsewhere, trapped in a place that his mind forced upon him. 

“Janner,” she said softly, “Janner, come back. It’s alright. I won’t ask if you’re scared to tell me.” In an instant, the look was gone, replaced by something that bordered on confusion, almost as if Janner had no idea where he was or why he had been troubled in the first place. He was back in a second, though, fully aware of her, of his surroundings, and of reality. 

“You had the baby,” he said, motioning towards her now-flat stomach. It was the exact opposite of what Sara had been expecting, and his words surprised her so much that she found herself laughing aloud. “Wait, what’s so funny?” he asked, a look of worry flitting over his face. 

Oh, but it was a normal worry, a worry that she was used to! How Sara thanked the Maker when she saw that look of worry! It was Janner’s natural worry, the worry he always had for her and her safety. For the baby’s safety. 

“Nothing, Janner. Nothing at all. I’m just glad to have you and your worries back.” Sara whispered. “But I have a surprise for you,” she said playfully. 

“What is it?”

Sara pushed the covers back and swung her feet to the floor. Even before she had the chance to stand up, Janner was right next to her, supporting her (even though she really did not think she needed it), just as he always had. The lovely sense of normalcy flooded over Sara again, and she relished it, drinking it in as if she were a thirsty flower. How thirsty she was for this kind of love and care that she had been so spoiled with over the years!

She looked up at him and smiled, seeing a look of peace and tranquility on Janner’s face. He was doing what the blood in his veins called him to do: protecting. He was protecting her in this tiny way, and the change that came over him the instant he did so filled Sara with wonder. His eyes were perfectly bright and clear, his brow was unfurrowed, his posture had relaxed, and he was at peace.

“Where are you going?” Janner asked her, bringing her out of her thoughts. 

“Just to the door,” she replied, grinning. They walked towards it, Janner reaching for the door knob before she even had the chance to. Sara leaned out and called  “Mama, Leeli, I think we’re ready!”

“Ready for what?” Janner asked as she leaned back into the room. 

Sara giggled. “You’ll see.”

A minute later, there was a soft knock on the door. The knob turned and the door opened, and there stood Nia, holding their son in her arms. He was swaddled in a light blue blanket, not because Sara could not tell her own children apart, but because she wanted to be specifically clear in the first few months when the differences were less obvious. 

“We had a boy!” Janner exclaimed as Nia handed him to Sara. When Sara locked eyes with her, she could barely contain her composure. They both knew what was coming next and were both looking forward to the reaction.

“Yes, we did. His name is Elquinn,” Sara said.

At that moment, Elquinn opened his eyes and looked up at them, staring with his bright-blue, too-big-for-his-head eyes. Janner gasped. “His eyes, they’re, they’re blue,” he murmured, his gaze growing distant. Somehow, though, Sara knew this was not a bad distant. Not like the distant look that came into them when he thought of Kalmar.

"Can I come in yet?" There was a whisper from the door, and Sara saw Leeli peeking through. 

"Go right ahead," Sara declared. 

Leeli pushed the door open the rest of the way, and in her arms was a small, swaddled pink bundle. Sara looked at Janner, who was now staring. Leeli drew nearer and handed him the baby. Then she backed up to stand next to Nia, who was grinning silently in a corner of the room.

Janner stared at the little girl in his arms and did not speak. He blinked a few times at the green eyes that looked up at him in sweet curiosity.

"Did you-did we have twins?" he asked, wonder filling every syllable of every word.

"Yes, we did. A boy and a girl. Just like we both wanted." Sara smiled and ran her fingers through his hair.

Janner just kept staring into the face of their daughter. "We have Elquinn and….?"

"Evnia," Sara said proudly. "After Mama. Janner I don't know if I could have survived this life without her. If she hadn't been there when you…when you died, and then when you disappeared," Sara shook her head, remembering the horror of it. "Janner, I don't know if I could have survived."

He nodded. "A boy with blue eyes and a girl with green," he breathed, an odd sort of astonishment in his tone. "Is Elquinn fussy? And is Evnia happy?"

Sara looked at him in surprise. "Yes, but how did you know? Elquinn has been so quiet and serene and—"

At that moment, he twisted his face into little baby knots and began to cry. "Oh, Elquinn," Sara soothed, bringing him close to her chest and supporting his head and neck. "Shh, it's alright. Guess what? Daddy's home!"

"Do you want me to take him?" Janner offered.

"Oh, you don't have to," Sara began. But then she changed her mind. "Only if you want to," she added, even as he passed Evnia to her so he could hold Elquinn.

Janner held him up against his shoulder and placed one hand on the lower part of his blanket, the other where his head and neck were. He stood up and closed his eyes, humming softly. Soon after, Elquinn stopped crying and cooed contentedly.

Sara didn't recognize the tune, but at the same time it stirred a longing inside of her that she had never know before. "What is that?" She whispered, not wanting to break the spell.

"I used to sing it to Janner when he was little," Nia told her softly. "I sang it to the others, too. There are words, but the words never worked for my little ones. The notes did, though. They seem to be foolproof."

"Foolproof," Sara whispered, watching in enraptured silence as Janner stood before her, love written on every feature of his face, peace flooding through every part of his body. She was thankful for that.

That night, Sara watched as Janner sat at his desk, leaning over his journal that had remained barren and untouched for a month. He was writing something, she wasn't sure what, and he looked...fairly content. A shadow of a smile played across his face, and she wondered if he was thinking about Evnia and Elquinn.

She sat there in the bed, marveling at the fact that her husband was alive, he was not crazy (as long as no one mentioned Kalmar), and he loved their children as much as she did. 

Yet when she looked at his body, she saw scars. The scar on his forehead reached back behind his ear and made her wonder what really happened once he was swept off the Shining Beauty, and the scars on his hands showed her a glimpse of what he had been willing to do to get them to shore safely. 

What scars were on the inside, though? Surely they were huge, perhaps they were not even scars yet. No, she was sure they were not scars. They were fresh wounds. They were wounds that needed to be treated and dressed, cared for and bandages. If they did not heal the wounds, they would fester and become infected. Sara was scared of what would happen to her husband if that occurred.

"I had a dream about them," Janner said suddenly, breaking the silence.

"About whom?" Sara asked as the candle on his desk flickered.

Janner turned so he could face her. "Evnia and Elquinn. And you. It was a week ago. You were scared and calling for me, and both Elquinn and Evnia were there. He had blue eyes and was scared to death. She had green eyes and nothing phased her.”

Now it was Sara's turn to stare in wonder. "Janner," she breathed. "I had the twins a week ago. I was calling for you the entire time. I only got a response when it was all over. You said, 'I'm coming.'"

Guilt flitted over Janner's face and Sara felt her heart lurch for a moment. But she watched him push it aside. Mostly, anyway. "And I came," he said, his voice thick.

"You did."

Notes: <3 <3 <3 soooo sweet^^ a happy note to end the night on :D