Dangerous Words
Notes:
Time reference (I'm doing this specifically since it's wonky and I want it to be clear how little time Sara spends away from Evnia and Elquinn): The first part of this chapter takes place an hour or so after the last one ended. The second part takes place the morning following the first part.
*****
Kalmar was pulling a long, white nightshirt over his head when there was a knock at the door. “C’ming,” he said, his words muffled in the fabric of his collar that was currently stuck around his huge head. He was trapped in the stereotypical nightshirt position: arms sticking straight up in the air like birch branches, his fingers wriggling outside of the cuffs while his wrists were still trapped inside.
Kal wondered how he would get out of the mess so he could answer the door where Amrah waited. She had knocked three times already, and it was beginning to make him feel worried. What if she suspected something was amiss? And by amiss, he meant suspicious.
If Janner were stuck in the nightshirt, he would do something sensible, like maneuvering his arms in the most confusingly blind manner possible and somehow managing to fumble with his fingers enough to unbutton the top buttons and slip the shirt over his head the rest of the way. But Kal didn’t have time for that. Instead, he grinned widely and grabbed the fabric just below the collar, yanking it over his head. “Ow!” he said dramatically as it tugged on his ears. “That hurt.”
He walked quickly to the door and opened it, rubbing his ears all the while. The only time Amrah did have to knock before entering was in the morning or evening, when he was dressing.
Here she stood again, looking just a tad impatient but too pleased with herself to actually be annoyed with anything at all.
“What’s going on?” Kal asked, choosing to indulge her rather than risk her asking him a question he didn’t want to answer.
As soon as he spoke, her tone became serious. “Nothing good, I’m afraid. Can we sit?”
Kal nodded fervently on the outside and reluctantly on the inside. He didn’t exactly want to know Amrah’s bad news, because more than likely it wasn’t true anyway. He walked over to the bed and plopped down on the mattress, unsurprised when it emitted several noises that sounded quite springy.
Amrah still stood in the doorway, even as he sat on the bed. Kal looked at her, waiting for her to decide to make her way into the room. She finally came, though, and sat gently on Kal’s bed as if it were made of the mist precious, fragile stone in the world.
Amrah folded her hands and looked Kalmar in the face, those pale, gray eyes boring into his heart and examining his soul.
“Janner isn’t coming,” she finally said.
"What?!" Kalmar turned and looked at her, his eyes wide with utter disbelief. It wasn't even the kind of disbelief where he couldn't believe Janner wasn’t coming. No, it was that he couldn't believe Amrah really still thought she could actually pit him and Janenr against each other like this. That she actually thought she could convince him that his brother was going to leave him to rot in Castle Throg.
“I’m sorry, Kalmar,” she told him quietly, something near sympathy in her eyes. “I’ve told you this over and over again, he doesn’t care. He is not going to come for you. He is a worthless Throne Warden. Anniera does not care either. Desert it. It does not matter. Deny both of them. Deny your Throne Warden. He failed you.”
Kalmar felt anger burning in his heart. Janner was not worthless and he was coming. He knew it with every fiber in his being. And was Amrah really suggesting that he desert Anniera? His homeland? His kingdom? His entire family? No. She had crossed a line and she was going to pay for it.
“Take it back,” he growled, jumping up and facing her angrily.
Amrah looked at him innocently. “Take back what?”
Kal balled his hands into fists. “I am sick of you talking about Janner like he’s useless and a failure and a disgrace. Because he’s not . He is MY brother and MY Throne Warden. He died for me once and nearly killed himself again because he felt so guilty about yelling at me. Last week he looked almost like he did after he melded — do you have any idea how terrifying that was?” his voice broke and Kal choked on his words. He barely registered Amrah’s angry glare. “He loves me. I love him. Janner is coming to rescue me from this place and from you.”
Kalmar stared at Amrah and watched her face as it contorted with rage. Her eyes flashed dangerously and her mouth twisted into a hateful line before baring her teeth like an infuriated animal. “You’ve been in contact with your brother then, yes?” She said, her words icy and low.
There was a dreadful sinking feeling in his stomach and Kal froze. He had no answer for her. This was not like the time he had masqueraded as General Fithyhoop and fooled the ridgerunners. No, this was Amrah. The deviously genius Stone Keeper whose honeyed voice and gentle touch had lured so many to their destruction. Now he had revealed the secret to her, the only secret he had needed to keep! Well, it doesn’t matter now. I might as well continue.
“You can do nothing that will make me deny Janner or my Kingdom,” Kalmar seethed. “Forget it. And, you know what, it’s been bothering me that you refuse to call him everything other than his name , but right now I’m glad that you’re unwilling to taint it.”
Amrah laughed brittly. “Oh, Kalmar , I have only avoided his name to dehumanize him, to make him obsolete in your mind. I see now that it has not worked. So I will use his name and scream it from the mountaintops, along with every vile word I know. Because your idiotic dedication to him is ruining every single one of my plans. I will destroy what your family holds dear.”
Kal lunged forward to fight her, but she moved out of the way. He landed on the floor painfully — sure, there was a plush carpet but underneath it was stone — and stood up, still glaring at her. “You won’t hurt any one of us,” he declared, his voice filled with determination and fury.
Amrah looked at him patronizingly. “Oh, Kalmar, I hate to displease you like this but,” her lips curved upward in the sort of smile someone has when they’re dreadfully pleased with themselves. “I will.”
*****
The next day, Janner woke up at the crack of dawn, blinking sleep from his eyes and groaning inwardly. Every muscle in his body ached. He felt like an old wagon wheel, creaking under an enormous load. When he had finally managed to force himself onto his hands and knees, wincing in the process, he glanced over at his pack and bedroll. He was going to have to put it back together, and the stiffness in his muscles and chill in his bones — for even though he was not that far up the mountain, it was certainly cooler than it had been before — begged him to wait until after he ate.
They hadn’t packed much so far as variety went, but Artham and Sara had insisted on giving him all the non-perishable foods. That meant he had the dried henment, dried diggle meat, dried plumyums, and the list continued. In short, it was the same food he had been given back when they blindplopped him seven years earlier, just in larger quantities.
As he chewed on a piece of dried henmeat, Janner couldn’t help but remember those days alone in the middle of the forest in the dead of winter. Well, he hadn’t really been alone. Leeli had given him Baxter and Rudric had given him the sword that sat sheathed on the ground beside him. Janner looked at it fondly. Rudric and his gift had been one of the last things he had remember before he passed out from the drugs in the thirteenth honeymuffin — he still couldn’t look at one in the same way — and it had been the last time he saw him before his death at the Battle of Ban Rona.
“I wish he and Mama could have married,” Janner whispered. He drew his knees up carefully and rested his chin on them. That had been years ago, but he still remembered those few months when Nia had not only been happy: she had been sparkling and radiant. He had not seen her the same way since.
But when she hugged him after the Maker gave him back…and when she came back from looking at his Papa’s drawings in the cave she had been lovely. Her eyes had shone with joy and wonder, and Janner knew then that the Maker’s hand had reached down from His Kingdom and touched her heart.
He was always there. He was always with them. Even when they felt as though they were alone.
And as the golden rays rose over the horizon and scattered their beauty over the desolate land, Janner saw the Maker’s light pouring over the edge of the world.
*****
Notes:
Welp. He finally semi-attacked Amrah. Let's see how that went for him^^
Struggles Surrounding the Mountain
Notes:
Time spacing (for reference): This chapter starts directly after the previous chapter ends. The second part from Kalmar's POV takes place parallel-ish to it (maybe an hour or so later). The last part from Leeli's POV takes place just a few hours after the second part.
*****
The mountain path — it was really more of a basic trail littered with rocks and boulders that were difficult to scramble across — veered sharply upward about an hour into Janner’s trek. He could see his breath in the morning mountain air, and he guessed the day would get colder rather than warmer.
That meant days and nights would grow steadily colder, he would be sleeping in snow, and staying alive would be harder. Janner was beginning to wonder if he had really thought his decision through before he agreed to it. It was one of the few times he hadn’t. He almost always overthought things — except when Kalmar’s life was at stake. Then and only then did every thought of reason disappear, and the actions that needed to be taken triumphed.
As liberating as it was on occasion, he generally ended up regretting at least some part of it later. When he had dived into the icy sea to rescue Kalmar, yes, he had saved him, but he had also spent the next two months in pain. When he had saved Oood from the ridgerunners, yes, he had gained a precious friend, but he had also been drugged for the second time in a few days.
Now, he had agreed to trek up a snowy mountain to rescue Kal yet again, but he knew it was going to be painful. He was going to get cold — as if to prove his point, the second he thought it, a flurry of snow fell from the sky and landed on his nose — his feet were going to freeze, he was going to be exhausted.
But it would all be worth it in the end.
*****
Kalmar found himself experiencing a very annoying form of deja vu. He was sitting against the stone wall of a cold, dark, dank cell that smelled of dead things and mold, and his jaw ached. The ceiling dripped and a drop of water landed on his head every few seconds. He would have moved, but no matter where he sat, there was always a drip from somewhere.
Amrah had not exactly appreciated his outburst. Kal found himself regretting what he had said to her and accidentally revealed — that he had been in contact with Janner and Leeli — but at the same time, he was glad she knew. Now there were no secrets. He had outright told her how powerless she was, and she had responded by throwing a temper fit like a toddler and throwing him in a cell. He hadn’t been unconscious this time, so he knew where he was. He was directly below his room, far enough away that it was cold but not so far away that ice formed on the walls.
Amrah had literally thrown him against the wall, for a slight and elderly woman, she was very strong, and flipped the carpet up, revealing a trapdoor underneath. Then she had dragged him over to it and dropped him inside.
Kal had landed painfully on the right side of his face — it was stone, and there had to be a spectacular bruise stretching from his cheek to his chin — and the door above him was shut before he could even scramble to his feet. It was almost pitch black, except for the tiny lines of light that streamed through the crack.
Kal had ventured along all the walls and found a door that seemed like it was below his door. When he had looked outside the tiny barred window near the top of it, he could just make out more corridors of stone. So, I’m in a cell that is along a hallway most likely filled with more cells. “Well, Ouster Will, how clever of you to create dungeons just below every room in Castle Throg so you could instantly get rid of anyone who was annoying you,” he had said dryly.
As of that moment, Kalmar wasn’t all that worried — Amrah had sent dried meat and water in a canteen down to him once a day for the past few days, which wasn’t great but it was better than nothing — yet at the same time, he was. He knew Janner was on his way to rescue him. Would conditions change now? Would Amrah still let him come? What did she want? Did she want Janner, him, both of them? What about neither?
What if all she wants us for is to kill us?
The thought sent chills down Kal’s spine and he shivered, both from the cold and fear. What if Janner was trekking towards his doom? If Janner died while rescuing him or if they both died—
Kal closed his eyes and pressed his head against the rock wall. If Janner died, his wife and two children would be left alone. Without him. Permanently. If he died, Galya would be devastated. He would be devastated. He would die without ever seeing her again. What about Anniera? They would be without Throne Warden and King. Would Artham and Leeli handle the kingdom? Was that even legal?
All things aside, what about their families?
Kal found himself spiraling further and further down in grief and fear. He saw no way of fixing anything. There was no way to go back on what he had said, no way to change the past. All that was left was the future.
The future looked bleak. And it was his fault again.
“Maker, why is this happening?” Kal asked, looking up at the black, drippy ceiling. “I-I just don’t understand. What have they done to deserve this? I’ve said things I shouldn’t have, so I get why it’s happening to me. But what about them? Galya and Sara and Mama and Janner and Artham — what have they done? We had rest and peace for so long and now this onslaught! What purpose do You see in it?” His voice broke a little and felt tears gathering at the back of his throat.
Are you not speaking with Me? a gentle Voice answered him. Are you not calling out to Me in your storm of distress? Are you not leaning on Me for the strength you do not have? This, Kalmar, this is My purpose. To draw you closer to Me, to gather you in My arms. To help you know that even if you made a mistake, you are Mine. I can only show Myself to you in this way in and through and after the pain.
Kal found himself crying without meaning to, tears of grief and thankfulness, desperation and hope. He didn’t stop himself, though. He let the tears flow. What was about to happen? What storm was going to strike next? “Maker,” he whispered. “I feel so alone.”
You are not alone when I am with you.
In the darkness of the cell, Kalmar basked in the light of the Maker’s love.
*****
Leeli clung to Hulwen’s back as the afternoon air churned around and behind them. Before she had ridden a dragon, she always thought the sea was the only thing with waves. Now she knew the air had them, too. Waves that crested and fell, waves that pulled back and pulled forward, invisible waves that were just as powerful and playful as those in the ocean.
They had circled the mountain range and the Blackwood several times but had yet to actually see anyone climbing up it. Leeli assumed it was because of how small her family was compared to the giant hunk of jagged rocks. Not only that, but if they were still in the lower regions it would be almost impossible to spot them among the rocks.
Young friend, would you like to go to the clearing? Hulwen asked her.
Leeli thought for a moment. “I suppose we can, if you need a break. Artham, Sara, and Janner won’t be there unless they’re still waiting for Amrah’s instructions.”
Hulwen nodded her huge head and angled her wings, directing them towards the bare field that rested peacefully in between the mountains and the Blackwood. They were still very high up, and Leeli was looking forward to the ride down.
Hulwen began descending in circles that were anything but slow — they were invigorating, exhilarating, and awe-inspiring. Leeli’s braid bounced madly on her back and she laughed in glee as her dress whipped in the wind. She felt the wonderfully dreadful plummet in her stomach as they drew nearer and nearer to the ground, and Leeli shrieked this time, too excited to contain herself. Yes, she had done it many times before, but the ride always thrilled her anew.
Breathless and star-struck, as Hulwen landed, Leeli sat for a moment, waiting for her heart to stop racing even as she begged it to continue. The wind still roared in her ears, so it was not until she heard Hulwen’s voice say, The Throne Warden and Lady Sara are still here, that her joy died away.
Leeli slipped off Hulwen’s back and was stunned to see her uncle striding towards them, Sara trailing a few feet behind, but no Janner in sight.
“Where is Janner?” Leeli demanded, immediately wanting to know where her brother was and if Amrah had hurt him, because if that was the case she was going to pay with her—
“Leeli, calm down. Unclench your fists, unfurrow your brow, and just listen,” Artham told her calmly. He sounded almost as though he was begging her not to explode.
She hadn’t realized her inner anger chose to display itself, but she obeyed. “What happened?” she asked this time.
“Amrah,” Artham hesitated for a second before answering. “How do I explain this? Amrah—”
“Amrah went back on her word and decided that the only person who’s allowed to climb that mountain is Janner, and that if anyone else sets foot on it, she’ll kill Kalmar instantly,” Sara fumed, choking on her last words.
Leeli looked between the two of them, Artham’s face calmly set in a look of sorrow, worry, and reflection, while Sara’s eyes flashed like blue lightning and her face showed a look that could only be described as utter fury and hatred.
Alright, so I have to be calm here, Leeli determined. Getting angry is a bad idea — Sara is already doing that — so I have to follow Uncle Artham’s train of thought. Okay, first things first, what is he thinking?
“What can we do?” she asked calmly, looking in his eyes.
Thank you, her uncle mouthed before answering her aloud. “I’ve thought of several things. One is that we help Janner remotely, and by that, I mean flying up to him and dropping off provisions. We can’t go into Throg with him — presumably — but we can help him from the outside.”
Leeli nodded. It was sensible and smart. “What can I do to help?”
Artham glanced at Sara for a second. “I’m trying to convince Sara to go back to Anniera with you. Only one of us needs to wait here. And I think it should be the one of us who isn’t a nursing mother of twins.”
Leeli looked at her sister and felt her heart breaking. Sara’s face had crumpled into a look of sadness and resignation, and she could almost see the tears welling up in her eyes. Artham had clearly suggested this before, because she directed her words at him. “I can’t just leave him,” she whispered, a tear staining her cheek. “How can I? I lost him for a month, had him for a week, lost him for two weeks, had him for another week, and now I’ve lost him again.”
Artham was silent and looked at the ground. Leeli felt as though he had talked to her about this so many times without any results. So she tried to step in as Sara’s comforter. She walked forward and wrapped her arms around Sara. “Dear, sister,” she whispered. “You haven’t lost Janner. We know where he is. And he isn’t about to let anything stop him — not now. But Evnia and Elquinn need you, and right now you can’t help Janner. Uncle Artham can. The Maker can. But what do you think he would want you to do?”
Sara swallowed a shudder and closed her eyes, cocking her head a little bit. “Janner would want me to be with the twins,” she said softly.
“So come back with me,” Leeli pleaded. “Hulwen can bring us back in a few days if that's what you really want, and I can always use my whistleharp. Maybe we’ll be able to connect, and then I can tell you how he’s doing.” In reality, she wanted Sara to stay in Anniera with Evnia and Elquinn and was not planning on bringing her back to the base of the mountain any time soon.
Sara smiled a little through her tears. “Okay.”
As the two climbed onto Hulwen’s back and she rose high into the sky, Leeli felt an aching worry in her heart. Amrah had turned the tables on them again — who knew when she would stop?
*****
Notes:
All the time notes to say that Sara goes back to the twins just a little over a day after she left.
And Kal is...well, he's in jail 😶
Ooh. But now Kalmar is stuck in a dungeon in his nightshirt. I'm guessing it's not as warm as his regular clothes, and not as tough and durable for escaping down a mountain.