Notes:
Depressing chapter title. The chapter isn’t that depressing.
Chapter 4 Darkness
Esben stared at Bonifer in shock. In the short time since he had learned of his parents’ death, he hadn’t even considered who would be the next to rule the kingdom. The same went for Artham. In the midst of all the grief, the enormous, terrible fact that his parents were gone, he had forgotten everything else they were. High King. Queen. Throne Warden. Now, that job was going to fall to two boys who were still barely able to think of anything besides the fact that their mother and father were dead. Esben started to talk, but it seemed to Artham like he was trying to say a hundred different things at once.
“What do you- How can we- We’re not- I mean, I’m not-” he trailed off and looked pleadingly at Artham, hoping he would better be able to speak the million questions that needed answering.
“What he’s trying to say,” Artham said, “is what are you talking about? How are we supposed to rule Anniera?! We aren’t ready for this! We weren’t expecting it until Esben was at least eighteen! That would be in three years!” Artham started pacing frantically again as he realized what the full meaning of this was. He would be the Throne Warden. The Throne Warden. Charged first with the safety of his King, which would be Esben, secondly with the protection of his kingdom. To hold their safety in higher value than his own, to be prepared to lay down his life for them. He had watched his aunt fulfill that role with courage and strength for years, and now, every single person in Anniera would be expecting him to do the same. How in Aerwiar was he possibly supposed to do all of that? Bonifer’s answer interrupted his panicked thoughts.
“Lads, I have watched you learn and train for these roles your whole lives. You are both diligent, honest young men. I believe that you two will do an excellent job. You still have much to learn, but as I was your father’s chief advisor, I am now yours. You may come to me with any doubts and questions you have about the coming weeks.” Artham felt just the slightest bit reassured by Bonifer’s words. Esben flopped back onto the bed and stared at the ceiling, and Artham could almost see all the thoughts and questions running around inside his head. Esben didn’t act like he wanted to continue the conversation, because he didn’t like to worry about things. Surrounded by people who would explain everything to him, he usually just went along for the ride, not worrying about whether or not he had to do something until five minutes before. Artham, on the other hand, was entirely different. It would drive him crazy if someone didn’t tell him what was going on.
“Thank you, Bonifer.” He said. “Can you tell us what to expect for the next few weeks or so?”
“Of course, Artham. Today, there isn’t anything you need to do. I will most likely tell the majority of the counselors, servants, ambassadors and such. Tomorrow, or the day after, if necessary, we will make a public announcement of their death. You will both be expected to say a few words. I will let you know what to expect after that once I have discussed procedure with the counselors.” Bonifer cleared his throat.
“I can assume you two would like to be alone?”
“Yes, please, Bonifer. Thank you.” Bonifer bowed and walked to the door. Before he shut it, he poked his head back in the room.
“Once again lads, I must say that I am deeply sorry for your loss, and grieved at the death of your parents and aunt.” He closed the door gently, leaving Artham and Esben alone. They sat in silence, not knowing what to say for a long time. Artham sighed and sat down on the bed next to Esben.
“You okay?” He asked.
“No.” Esben responded.
That was a stupid question. Artham thought. Neither one of us is okay. How can I be so good with words and not be able to think of a single thing to say to my own brother? He sat in silence for a while, trying to think of something to say. He felt the sadness start to weigh him down again and struggled against it. He hated every thought, every word that his mind spoke that reminded him that they were gone. All distractions had disappeared and the room was silent. The only words were the echo of his parents’ and aunt’s voices as they spoke into his mind. Again, he remembered that he was now the Throne Warden. Not officially, at least not yet, but very soon. Probably in less than a few months if Bonifer was in charge. He felt the weight of it, the responsibility that he had always felt for his brother, grow. He remembered everything his aunt had done, the skill with which she fulfilled her role, and came close to panicking again. I can’t do that. I’m not ready. He looked over at Esben, still staring at the ceiling in silence, and realized that he didn’t have a choice. The Maker had given him the responsibility to protect his brother, and the time was coming when he’d have to take on the full weight of that duty.
No, it’s not coming, he thought. It’s already here. It came the moment Bonifer told Esben the news that is tearing down our world. He sat for a while longer, sharing Esben’s silence. In the quiet, the heavy feeling of hurt and sadness pressed into his chest again. Memories echoed again in his mind, and tears started to smart in his eyes again. He blinked them away, once again pushing away the pain.
I’m the Throne Warden now, he thought. I can’t feel like this. I’m supposed to be strong for him. I’m supposed to protect. He closed his eyes and leaned back, hands gripping the edge of his bed as he continued to think.
How can I protect Esben from this? How am I supposed to fix this? How do I stop him from hurting?
“Is there anything I can do?” He asked tentatively, hesitating to interrupt Esben’s deep thought.
“No.” Esben responded. “Well, actually yeah. You can help me write that speech for tomorrow.” His voice was tight and hoarse. For a minute Artham was confused.
“What speech? You mean the few words Bonifer mentioned?”
“Yeah. When these official people say a few words, they mean a speech.”
“Okay.” The silence spread in the room again. Artham tried to get Esben to talk again, to give him some indication of what he was supposed to do.
“What do you think about being King?”
“I don’t know. Look, Artham, you don’t have to try to talk, okay? I…don’t want to talk right now.” Esben closed his eyes and sighed heavily.
“Then what do you need me to do?”
“Just stay here with me please? I don’t want to be alone.”
“I’m not going anywhere.” Artham said. “I won’t leave you, I promise.”
“Thanks,” Esben said shortly. He closed his eyes and lay so still Artham wondered if he was asleep. Artham got up and tried to read, flipping through the pages of his books, his journals, in the end he just ended up pacing. And pacing. They spent the morning like that, Esben buried deep in his thoughts, Artham struggling not to think. He convinced himself and Esben to eat something for lunch, even though neither one was hungry. They waited until after the servants would have finished cleaning up from lunch, and once he was sure he wouldn’t run into anyone, Artham snuck into the pantry and grabbed them food. He wasn’t ready to talk to anyone yet. They ate in silence, only exchanging a few words, but those words were enough. They wound up sitting side by side on the bed, leaning into each other, watching the sun go down through Artham’s big window. The sunset was beautiful, but to Artham it seemed heartless. He felt like he had no right to enjoy something so ironically beautiful when everything in his world was so messed up. When Esben was hurting and he couldn’t stop it. When his parents and aunt would never see another sunset. And he would never see another one in the same way, because they weren’t watching it with him. When the setting sun left them in darkness, the boys sat for a while longer, not bothering to light a lamp. Esben gave a long sigh and scooted off the bed, walking toward the still closed door to the hallway. Artham sat up and walked with him. The hallway was dark too, with only one lamp lit. He stood beside Esben as he opened his door and went inside. Just before Esben closed the door, he spoke.
“Goodnight Es. Try to get some rest, okay?”
“Okay” Suddenly, frantic thoughts began to whirl around Artham’s mind, and he urgently placed his hand on the doorframe, making it impossible for Esben to close the door. He tried to think of the last words he had said to his parents, and he couldn’t remember. That hurt. The same thing was not going to happen with Esben. Artham felt the urgent need to say something, anything, so that if he lost Esben-as soon as the thought entered his mind, he shoved it violently away. But he didn’t want to leave anything unsaid, just in case he didn’t get an opportunity later. A thousand things he could say rushed to Artham’s mouth, but only one was spoken.
“I love you, Esben.”
“I love you too.” Then Esben shut his door, and left Artham in darkness.
**pounces on Bonifer ferociously*