Journey to Hope-Chapter 8

Chapter 8 Through the Fire

     Kalmar lay still on the forest floor, unconscious. He was dreaming, but he didn’t know it. Blackness was all around him. In his dream, he started to wake up. He squinted at the bright, warm light surrounding him. He sat up and shielded his eyes with his hand as he looked around him confusedly. He was lying on a cobbled pathway, and the cobbles shone with a beautiful light. He gazed all around him, and his heart skipped when he realized where he was. Kalmar Wingfeather was in the Fane of Fire. He felt the Maker’s presence so strongly that his eyes started to well up with tears. He felt incredibly unworthy to be anywhere near the Maker. He also knew that if the Maker really was here, his very presence would make Kalmar do what he knew was right, not what he selfishly wanted for himself. 

     “Kalmar Wingfeather,” a voice said. Kalmar knew exactly Who it was. The voice was soft and yet strong, loud and powerful, yet a whisper, like the wind in the trees or waves crashing on a sandy shore. The way He said Kalmar’s name, with so much tenderness, love, and expectation, brought tears to Kalmar’s eyes. He knew that the Maker had seen his actions in the past few hours, and he was ashamed.

     “I-I’m so, so sorry…I’m sorry…” Kalmar said as tears rose in his eyes again.

     “For what, my son.” 

     “F-for being selfish, and g-getting angry, a-and not caring about Uncle Artham when he needed me…”

      “Kalmar Wingfeather, you are forgiven.” Kal felt the Maker’s presence all around him, strong and loving and comforting. 

      “Why did Janner have to die? Why-why couldn’t we find the Well? I was so s-sure…” Kalmar’s heart soaked up the love around him, and leaned into the comfort and strength surrounding him as tears streamed down his face and his skinny shoulders shook. 

     “Why?”

     “My son, I did not want anyone to be Fanged. I knew from the foundation of the earth that you would be Fanged, but I used it to change you. You are growing into the King I mean you to be. Janner was the price of healing. He loved you more than he loved himself. Through my will, he healed you and your people. His death has brought you pain, but it has grown you. What is in your heart, Kalmar Wingfeather?”

     “I-I’m really, really sad. I miss him so much. I feel like it was my fault that he died, and I should have figured out something different. I feel guilty, and- and angry.”

     “At who, Kalmar Wingfeather.” Kalmar knew that the Maker already knew who he was angry at, but Kalmar knew he had to face his anger.

     “Mostly at myself. Because I d-didn’t stop him. A little bit at Uncle Artham, because he wasn’t there. At M-mama, for wanting to stop searching. I’m so sorry. I-”

     “You have been forgiven, Kalmar Wingfeather. Janner’s death was not your fault. It was my will. You didn’t get it wrong, you simply didn’t understand my plan. But there is more.”

     “I-I know it’s wrong…but I feel a little bit angry…at You.” Kalmar said quietly. “Because You didn’t stop him.” In his heart of hearts, Kalmar knew that none of this was the Maker’s fault, and that he had absolutely no right to be angry at Him. Everything that had happened were the results of people’s bad choices, including his own. But he was still angry. He knew it was very, very wrong, but he was still angry. He felt the hard knot of anger and guilt in his heart start to melt away in the Maker’s warm, loving presence.

     “I’m sorry.” The tears started to come harder and Kalmar bowed his head.

     “My son, you are forgiven. Remember that I love you. I know that you sometimes doubt my will, but my will is what is best for you. Remember that. Remember that I love you, my son. I am proud of you. What do you believe you need to do?”

     “I-” Kalmar’s breath caught in a sob, but he continued.

     “I need to live like-like Janner lived. I will live like he died.”

     “Remember that I love you, Kalmar Wingfeather. Go, and do all that is in your heart.”

Kal awoke with a start, sitting up quickly, causing his head to throb. He put his hand to the side of his head and felt dried blood where he had struck the rock. He took a deep, shivery breath and staggered to his feet. He remembered his dream and tears started to come again. Janner was gone. What happened was the Maker’s will, and would work together for good. Kalmar no longer felt angry or guilty, but his heart was filled with a deep sadness. Now, he had to find his family. He shook with sobs as he stumbled through the dark wood, dashing tears from his eyes. He reminded himself that he was loved by the Maker, that his life and the lives of his family were in the Maker’s hands. Kalmar Wingfeather trusted the Maker, but he was still grieving. 

     “Help me to live like he died. Help me to trust You,” Kalmar whispered. He stumbled blindly through the forest, looking for his family. Deep in his thoughts, completely lost in the Blackwood, he didn’t notice his surroundings slowly changing. The air was growing cool and damp, and thick mosses adorned the enormous trees. Kalmar stumbled into a clearing in the center of a low, gently sloping valley. Blinded by tears, he tripped and caught himself with his hands. He looked up in surprise at the feeling of cold, damp stone under his hands. His breath caught in his throat as he looked up just a little bit further, to a pristine, still pool of incredibly deep water. He gasped as he stood up and gazed at the wood around him. The trees were as thick as houses and their leaves greener than any he had ever seen. Kal walked slowly to the round pool and knelt beside it. He reached out shaking fingers and barely touched the still surface of the pool, causing tiny ripples to spread out to its edge. He gasped as a warm shiver ran straight through his bones. His head instantly stopped throbbing and his hurting heart calmed. He stayed kneeling by the pool in shock and joy, completely astonished by how he had found the Well. 

     No, I didn’t find it, he thought, the Maker guided me. We searched as hard as we could and still couldn’t find it, but when I wasn’t even trying, the Maker brought me here.  Kal smiled widely as he stood up, shedding his sadness as easily as he could shed a cloak.

     Thank you, Maker! Hope returned to Kalmar’s heart, shining brightly like a lighthouse on a stormy sea. Nothing that they could do would have brought them there, he realized. The Maker was the only way. He had guided as Kalmar stumbled blindly, and restored his hope. The Maker had put Kal in a situation where all he could cling to was his trust in Him. And the Maker had gone far beyond Kal’s highest expectations. Kal grinned as he glanced around and realized he knew exactly where he was. He took one last, long look at the deep, shining Well and turned, running eastward out of the clearing, going to search for his family. With every step, his hope and certainty grew more and more. He ran into the wood towards where his family had made camp the night before. He would lead them to the Well and everything would work out. The Maker had led him safely through the fire.