Rather than Resenting: Ch. 27

Permission Granted

Notes:

You'll gather the context of time in which this chapter is happening by the middle-ish of the chapter, but I'll just say beforehand that it's a little bit before the Ball^^

*****

His left hand in his pocket clutching a slip of paper tightly, Janner raised his right to the door to his brother’s study. He knew Kalmar was in there (that was obvious by the constant stream of muttering words that never quite managed to make sense to his ears or raise enough in volume to be heard) and he could have simply opened the door if he wanted to, but somehow that felt wrong. Perhaps it was because he was about to do something that would infuriate Kalmar to the core or at least make him worry himself to death. 

He moved his hand away and slipped it into his pocket, thinking about what would be placed there in just a few minutes. 

The holoré was hiding in a box on his side of the bureau, a box filled with keepsakes. Precious things stayed there, like the drawing of his father he had taken when he was twelve and a sprig from one of the evergreen trees that had somehow gotten lodged in his pack while traveling through the Ice Prairies. 

In there also was one of the bandages Nia had wrapped his wounds in after he had rescued Kalmar, a tuft of grass from the Guilding Hall lawn that was one of the few he had not eaten, a scrap of black cloth from his Durgan cloak, a lovely little jewel he had picked up off the ground on their walk back to Clovenfast after leaving the First Well. 

Sweet memories of Sara made their home there too, like the piece of paper on which she had written her confession of love to him on their first date, a dried flower from the bouquet she had held on their wedding day, the ribbon she had used to pull her hair back on the day she had told him she was pregnant for the first time, and so many more wonderful memories that he did not have the time to recall. 

He wondered if he would be able to fill the box to overflowing with more memories or if the holoré would be the last, albeit brief, addition.

It was another few moments before Janner gathered the courage to rap his knuckles against the door, then several more seconds before the sound of Kalmar’s constant muttering and pacing stopped and he called, “Who is it?”

Janner cleared his throat before answering, hoping he would fool his brother with a perfectly light-hearted façade. “Just your regular attendant to make sure your suit, cape, and circlet you call a crown are straight.”

The door was flung open in the next moment revealing Kalmar looking rather flustered with every single button anywhere on his suit (meaning any of those exposed on the collared white shirt, vest, and jacket) unbuttoned. Not to mention that his ermine cape was sloppily draped over the back of a chair and his circlet of a crown was dangling off a doorknob.

“You need help, don’t you?” he asked quickly, resisting the urge to smile a little bit.

Kalmar groaned. “Yes, please. I’d ask Galya but she’s busy getting herself and Laylynne ready, and she’s taking forever even with Mama’s help! Can you please help me with the buttons? I can manage normal ones with one hand but the fabric is too stiff and the buttons are too slippery!”

Janner refrained from commenting, because, as Leeli had before her leg had been healed, Kalmar never actually asked for help. When he did ask for help, it was because he was truly desperate. Not to mention that he had absolutely refused to have an attendant who would help him dress, because the idea absolutely horrified him.

Instead, Janner set to work immediately, buttoning every single one of the many, many buttons on the upper half of his brother’s suit. 

He reached for the cape once he was done, to which Kalmar protested immensely, waving his arm rather dramatically.  “Please, Janner, not the cape!” 

Janner smiled this time as he proceeded to put it around his shoulders anyway. “You know, I seem to recall you saying a very similar thing to Mama regarding your vest that last Dragon Day before…well everything.”

“Yeah, and I decided to go with the vest, so can I not do the cape?” He bargained hopefully. 

Shaking his head, Janner pointed out that Kalmar actually had yet to try and wiggle free from his hold, which was not a very strong one. “Besides, you’re the King! For you to not show up wearing an ermine cape would just be weird. And look on the bright side: at least you won't get cold.”

Kalmar rolled his eyes. “But I'll look ridiculous! I can't dance with Galya while wearing this thing!”

“So take it off before you dance,” Janner suggested, trying to make it sound as though it was the most obvious solution in Aerwiar. “Just put it back on before you do anything formal, like introductions of diplomats and such.”

Kalmar nodded but continued fidgeting nervously. His eyes darted around the room, then rested on Janner as if it were the first time they'd done so. He furrowed his brow for a moment before speaking. “Wait a minute, why aren't you dressed? Surely you're not bailing because of the speech or the announcement about Cerlon! I'll force you to go if I have to — I am the King, after all,” he added.

Janner laughed, though in truth it was nervous laughter. “No, I'm not bailing because of either of those things. And I am dressed for it, I just don’t have to go through the terrible trials of wearing a cape like you do. 

“All things aside, though,” he paused, making sure his words and request came across correctly. “I wanted to ask you something, and it’s kind of important. It’s a little bit of a favor, actually.”

Kalmar cocked his head, puzzled. “Janner, if you're trying to pass on your speech to me or Uncle Artham so we'll give it instead of you, the answer is ‘no.’”

Janner shook his head. “That's not it.” He found himself pausing again. What he was about to say would completely change the course of so many lives. Was he ready and willing? Yes. “I was wondering if you would mind if we let Amrah free.”

Kalmar's eyes nearly popped out of his head when he heard that. “I'm sorry,” he said after several moments. “I think I must be going deaf. Did you just say you're okay with Amrah going free?”

Janner nodded. 

“I mean, I know I don't object to it, but Uncle Artham said we need a sign from the Maker and—”

“We have one,” Janner said simply, hoping his brother would not demand that he elaborate while still knowing that he would.

“Well, what is it?” Kalmar asked, unsurprisingly. “I was planning on asking Him tomorrow when we open the Fane of Fire, but you apparently know something I don't.”

Janner took a breath to calm himself before replying. “It's the holoré,” he said quietly, desperately hoping Kalmar would not put a and b together, because “ab” would spell disaster. “I asked Him to give me a sign so I would know I could trust her, and she gave us the holoré. She would have never done that if she was still evil. She wouldn't have been able to. It was too precious to her to give it up.”

Kalmar was silent for several minutes and did not say anything. Janner found himself growing more and more nervous by the second, terrified he would be found out or otherwise stopped. It took far too long for the realization that if he was truly doing the Maker’s will, he would be allowed to follow through, no matter what anyone else said, to dawn on him, but when it did, it was wonderful.

In that moment, two things happened: first, instant peace washed over him, and then Kalmar said, “Alright. I mean, I think it's only right that you do that. You really were hurt the most because of her. Maybe wait until after the Ball though, so you’re there for your speech and Cerlon’s shining moment, okay?” He flashed Janner a grin at that last statement, because apparently he found it somewhat humorous.

Janner completely missed the feeble effort at humor, so dumbstruck was he that he hadn’t even had to ask Kalmar if he could let her free: he had just assumed it was part of the question! A few minutes earlier, he would have been afraid to push Kalmar too close to Amrah, but now he felt safe asking him just two more things, the first of which was simply polite and the second of which was mostly for convenience purposes.

“Janner, you’ll be there for Cerlon’s announcement, right?” Kamlar said, and the moment he said it, Janner knew it was for the second time.

“Yes, absolutely,” he responded quickly. “I wouldn’t miss that for the world. Uh, in regards to Amrah, do you know where the keys are? For the cell, I mean.”

Kalmar furrowed his brow. “Why do you need them now if you’re not freeing her until after the Ball?”

Brief panic fluttered in Janner’s chest and he pulled an idea out of thin air that decided to make itself convenient. “You’ll be tied up with tons of business things for hours after it’s actually over. It’ll just be easier this way. Unless you want to be there for it.”

Kalmar shook his head. “No, I mean, you’re right. It’s fine. You can let her go free when I'm not there if you want. The keys are…um, I think they’re in the Throne Room. In that compartment in the left armrest of that obnoxious throne I sometimes have to sit in. I’d get them for you, but I don’t have time to go down and come back and go back down, since I have to greet people at the Ballroom gates really soon, in, like, five minutes—”

“Wait, not the Throne Room?” Janner interrupted him, slightly perplexed. The entrance was always in the Throne Room, and from there guests moved over to the Ballroom for the actual dancing and social times. It never started in the Ballroom.

Kalmar shrugged. “Yeah. The coordinators decided to only have it in the Ballroom for some reason. Something about it being more ‘aesthetically appealing’ or some nonsense I don’t get. Or maybe it was so there would be less enormous floor space to clean up or less decorating to do, I really don’t know!”

Janner nodded, feeling slightly dazed at hearing that news. He had expected to have to find some way to work around everyone mulling around or dancing in the Throne Room if he was going to get her out of the dungeon and outside after Cerlon’s announcement, but it appeared the Maker had made a pathway for him. It made him shudder with joy and fear and love and trepidation all at once.

“Well that’s different,” he said, almost automatically.

“It sure is! See, this is what happens when you don’t help us coordinate. Things change. Maybe next year you’ll skip out on coordination plans again, and you’ll get lucky and they’ll change the keynote speaker.”

Janner chuckled sheepishly. “Maybe. Oh, speaking of which,” — he slipped his hand into his pocket and pulled out the folded piece of paper on which was written his speech — “Will you hold onto this until I get there? I know the chances of me losing it are really low, but it could fall out when I’m in the dungeons, and I don’t want to take that chance.”

Kalmar raised one eyebrow. “So you’re trusting me with it? Janner, I gotta say, that’s not your brightest idea. Why not give it to Sara if you don’t trust yourself to hold onto it? She’s way more responsible than I am.”

Janner shook his head, a broad smile on his face. “I already gave her a copy of it. But I’d rather there be as many back-ups as possible. Just, hold onto it for me, please?”

He received a nod in return. “Sure.”

“Thank you. And I love you,” he added at the last second, turning to leave.

Kalmar wrinkled his nose. “Why now?”

The words stopped Janner in his tracks and he paused in his reach for the door. “It just seems fitting,” he said softly. “You know, just remembering everything that happened around this time, thirteen years ago.”

He heard no other protest at the words and left, not looking back. He didn’t look back because if he did, Kalmar would’ve seen the tears that had spilled onto his cheeks. 

*****

Notes:

We're finally getting closer. But honestly we're not that close, because it's going to take a number of chapters before we actually get to the climax 😅

Janner asked Kalmar just because...well, it's respectful. Kal is the King and it is up to him whether Amrah goes free or not. So even though that question and everything after it seems a little careless and dangerous in terms of Kal learning what Janner is going to do, it's being done out of respect. Or, Janner's trying to be ask respectful to Kalmar as possible while planning on basically defying him 😅😂